Sing Me Anything
by BeachBum84
Summary: A series of vignettes inspired by songs. They range from really sweet to depressing.
1. All Around Me

**A/N: I had read this concept in a summary for a story on another site and it seemed like a fun thing to try. It's going to be a series of stories inspired on songs. I picked the songs based on the first letter of the title, so this chapter is A. Then the next chapter is B and so on. They all revolve around the characters in 'Drake and Josh'. I think each chapter will be able to stand alone because I'm not going in time order, but some stories might connect to others. Some of the chapters are inspired by their song more than others. I hope I haven't confused anyone.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the characters in 'Drake and Josh'. Nor do I own any of the songs referenced in any of the chapters.**

**Song: 'All Around Me'- Flyleaf.**

* * *

"Do you think the kids would be happy?" Walter asked, breaking his kiss from Audrey. "That's what you're thinking about now?" Audrey asked with an amused smile. She was sitting on Walter's lap, facing him. Her arms were comfortably resting on his shoulders.

"Well... ummmm..." Walter struggled for the right words.

"I worry about them, too." Audrey said.

"What if Drake and Megan resent me? What if they don't accept Josh?"

"They're kids. It might be a little awkward at first, but they'll adjust. It's just going to take some time." Audrey tried to assure Walter, kissing his cheek gently. She moved her kisses down to Walter's neck.

"I'm not their dad though..."

Audrey sighed and rested her head on Walter's shoulder. "Do you really want to talk about it right now?"

"I'm sorry, honey. I'm just worried."

Audrey slid off Walter's lap and sat next to him on the bed. "I'm not Josh's mom..."

Walter felt bad for upsetting her. He should have just kept his mouth shut, but it had been weighing on his mind since he bought the ring to propose to Audrey. Walter had meant to propose at dinner, that had been the plan. The problem was that he lost his nerve at the last minute. Somehow the conversation turned to what it would be like if they ever got married.

Josh was staying at one of his friend's house. Craig, or Eric. Walter could never remember which one. He had been grateful when Josh asked permission to go because it meant he and Audrey could have the house to themselves. Instead of the night being like Walter imagined, the ring that should have been on Audrey's finger was hidden under his pillow and Audrey looked close to tears.

"Honey..." Walter said, rubbing Audrey's back gently. "Josh loves you. I can tell. When he opens his mouth you can tell that the word 'Mom' is just on the tip of his tongue."

"Really?" Audrey asked, wiping her eyes.

"Really."

Audrey sighed. "I don't want to replace his mom. I know he doesn't really remember her, and because of that I'm so afraid that he's likes me because he's desperate for a mother figure. And Josh is such a great kid, I wish he was mine." Audrey looked shocked by her words and turned to Walter. "Not that I don't adore my own kids. I love them more than I can say. It's just... Josh could be mine, too. When he looks at me so hopeful, I'm just terrified that I won't be the mom he always dreamed of having."

Walter wrapped his arms around her. "I didn't know you felt that way. I worry about Josh because he lost his mom so young, but I know him. He's not just looking for a mom replacement. He hated my last girlfriend and he was vocal about it. It's different with you. I've never seen him react to anyone like he does to you."

Audrey laughed. "I can't imagine Josh hating anyone. Now my kids..."

"They hate me."

"No. Trust me, you should have seen how they treated my past boyfriends. Compared to that, they adore you."

"They still remember their dad though."

Audrey moved back onto Walter's lap. "I am glad that you're nothing like their dad. You are so much better than him and they'll love you." She pushed Walter so he was laying down. "Now I don't want you to think about the kids anymore tonight. It's just you and me all alone in this house. Let's enjoy it."

That's what Walter loved about Audrey, she knew how to calm his thoughts. When they were out together and her hand would reach for his, it made him feel like the most important man in the world because she reached for his hand and not anyone else's.

Clothes were lost to the floor and the floor felt very very far away. The only things that existed in the universe at the moment were Walter, Audrey and the bed they were laying on. Audrey gasped and it was almost too much for Walter. The air was thick and Walter could barely breathe, the only thing he could focus on was Audrey. Walter felt alive, and he was alive because of her.

"I love you." Audrey whispered into his ear before laying next to him and resting her head on his shoulder. She was glowing and Walter knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. How could he doubt that she loved him totally and completely when she was looking at him like that?

"Marry me." Walter said, there was no question behind the words, but his voice was soft and undemanding. He reached under his pillow and put the ring on Audrey's finger.

Audrey looked at the ring, eyes brighter than Walter had ever seen them. She pressed her lips against his and Walter knew the answer, she didn't need to say it out loud. Audrey moved so she was on top of him, and Walter knew that he wouldn't have another thought for the rest of the night other than her.

Of course, when they tell the kids, they'll say that Walter proposed over a romantic dinner.


	2. Bleed Like Me

**A/N: I changed the rating because this chapter touches on a sensitive topic and I have a feeling other chapters are going to be more on the mature side of things. Also, the next chapter's song is going to start with 'B' too, because I liked my ideas for both songs too much to pick just one. **

**Song: "Bleed like me"- Garbage**

* * *

_It wasn't that Megan Parker was a bad kid. It's just that sometimes she caused a little more trouble than a thirteen year old girl should. _

_Megan loved her brothers. Really, she did. She showed her love the same way millions of little sisters all over the planet show their love, through playing pranks and getting her brothers in trouble. In fact, Megan thought Josh should be grateful for the pranks she pulled on him. She could have just ignored his existence entirely. No, she went out of her way to welcome him into the family. She treated him the exact same way she treated Drake._

_It wasn't until she overheard Josh trying to explain the word 'sociopath' to Drake, that she realized that maybe Josh didn't see her pranks as the friendly sibling interactions she saw them to be. Megan had been so distraught that she went to the library and read every book about psychology that she could find. Because Josh was right about one thing, most thirteen year olds didn't build remote control ejection seats into their brothers' couch._

_After a month of research, Megan realized that there was nothing psychologically wrong with her. She didn't have some mental disorder, and she certainly wasn't a sociopath. Megan's problem was that she had a high IQ, and as a result complicated and sophisticated pranks that other kids her age wouldn't dream about, were actually really simple pranks to her._

_Josh had noticed the change in Megan. During the month she spent researching, she didn't have time to pull pranks. Drake seemed oblivious and grateful that he wasn't getting in trouble as often. Josh, however, knocked on the door to Megan's room one night to try and figure out the change in his sister._

_"Yeah?" Megan responded to the knocking. She was surprised when Josh's head peeked into the room._

_"Is it all right if I come in?" Josh asked, sounding slightly nervous._

_"Sure." Megan said calmly. She sat up and pushed the psychology book she had been reading under her bed. Even though she had calmed her fears, she still found the books interesting._

_Josh sat on the bed. "So... how are you?"_

_"I'm okay." Megan was starting to feel suspicious. "Why are you here?"_

_"I'm just checking on you. I haven't seen you around much lately and...?"_

_"I'm not a sociopath!" Megan said, surprising herself._

_Josh looked equally surprised. "Okay, you're not a sociopath..."_

_Megan sighed. She might as well be honest about her feelings if she was going to blurt things out. "I heard you explaining the word sociopath the Drake. It was right after I rigged your couch with the ejection seats."_

_Josh looked embarrassed, apparently remembering the conversation._

_"Anyway, I'm not a sociopath. I did my research. I have morals. I know right from wrong. I care about the well-being of others. I'm respectful of the law, as much as any other teenager is. I am remorseful when I do things that cause people great pain. I'm not a cold hearted bitch and I'm not a sociopath!" Megan yelled. To her horror, she felt tears stinging her eyes._

_Josh looked completely shocked by this outburst. "Megan..." He said gently. "I'm sorry you overheard that conversation. It was in the heat of the moment. You can't blame me for being a little annoyed. I'm surprised I still don't have a bruise on my bottom from that incident."_

_Megan supposed he had a point. She would have been mad at them if they had done something like that to her._

_"Sometimes, I don't know if you pull pranks on me because that's how you treat everyone, or if it's because I'm an easy target. You're definitely not the first kid to pull pranks on me. You'd think I'd be used to it. It's been happening to me since the first grade." Josh said softly._

_Megan felt bad. Sure, Josh was goofy and he was kinda an easy target. Though, Drake had always been an easy target for her pranks as well. She just saw Josh as her brother, and brothers were there to be tortured by younger sisters._

_Megan moved a little closer to Josh. Though, she found that she couldn't look at him while she talked. She looked down at the floor and kicked her feet lightly in the air where they hung off the side of her bed. "I have this rule for myself. I guess it's part of my system of morals or whatever. I never pick on the weaker kid. Not that I really pick on people. Besides the things I do to you and Drake, I only do mean things to mean kids. To the kids who would pick on the weaker kids. Because it's wrong. You shouldn't pick on someone unless they are able to handle themselves."_

_Megan sighed before continuing. "I guess what I'm trying to say is, I think you can take care of yourself. I just see you as my brother. The exact same as Drake. I'm sorry if my pranks reminded you of what other kids might have done to you, I don't see you as they do. And it's their fault, they're missing out. You're my brother, Josh." She finally looked at Josh and she thought she could see tears behind his eyes._

_"So... You love me?" Josh asked with a goofy smile._

_"Yes." Megan smiled. "I love you."_

_Josh wrapped his arm around her and hugged her tightly. "I love you, too. I'm sorry I called you a sociopath."_

_Megan laughed and pushed Josh away. "Okay... don't get so mushy. I love you, but I still reserve my right to torment you."_

_"Fine, fine." Josh stood up. "You know, you can talk to me about anything. You didn't have to hold it in for a month."_

_"I know. Thanks." Josh moved to the door. "And, Josh? Tell anyone about this conversation and your dead."_

* * *

Fifteen year old Megan Parker tried to keep that conversation in mind as she was fighting some jock after school. She reminded herself that's she's not a sociopath. She's just mean to mean kids. 

"Come on, Megan. It's not like I did anything wrong. In fact, you seem to be the only one who cares." This guy said. He was some kid on the football team and Megan couldn't remember his name. The only reason she knew him was because he had asked her out a couple of times, and because that day during lunch, he made her best friend Janie cry.

Megan pushed him against the wall. "Didn't do anything wrong? How is leading a girl on and then embarrassing her in front of the cafeteria at lunch not wrong?"

Megan could almost see what Janie saw in this guy. He's handsome, popular and a senior who plays football. Megan, however, wasn't so impressed that she was going to worship this guy.

He laughed, something that annoyed Megan more. "I like you. I was talking to her to get to you. It's not my fault she got the wrong idea."

"It is your fault. You used her. She's my friend and you hurt her. How was that suppose to win me over?"

"I don't get it, Megan. You're hot. Like so hot that people consider you to be popular even though you don't seem to care about being popular." He took Megan's wrists and pulled her hands off his jacket. He took a couple of steps forward, forcing Megan back a couple of steps. "But you hang out with the biggest group of losers. You refuse dates from guys like me. You pick fights for no reasons... It just doesn't make sense."

Megan tried to pull away from his grasp. She was annoyed that she couldn't. She kicked the guy in the shin as hard as she could. He let go of her as he jumped backward. "You're crazy!" He shrieked.

Megan had planned on going easy on him before... she wasn't feeling so generous now as she punched him in the face. "She's my friend! That's reason enough to turn you down, you asshole!"

Megan ran outside and saw that CJ was waiting in the car for her. "How's Janie?" Megan asked.

"She was in tears when she left. Trisha tried to calm her down. I don't know how that went." CJ said as he pulled out of the parking lot.

"Well, he won't bother her again." Megan muttered.

"Not that I don't appreciate it, but why are you friends with us? That jock was right, you could be really popular."

"You heard?"

"It's not like everyone isn't thinking what he said."

Megan glanced down at her hand and saw that there was some blood on it. She thinks that she might have broken the jock's nose. "You guys aren't losers and he's nothing special. He bleeds like the rest of us." She said, wiping her hand on her jeans. "You guys are my friends. Nobody can change that."

CJ pulled up in front of Janie's house. "You want me to go with you?"

"Nah, I got this. I'll call you later." Megan said, hopping out of the car.

She didn't bother knocking on the door. It was just Janie and her mom now, and her mom wouldn't be home until late. Megan went upstairs to Janie's room and heard Janie crying.

"Janie, I kicked his ass for you." Megan said opening the door. She gasped at the blood on the floor and the razor in Janie's hand. "Oh, Janie." Megan said dropping to her knees next to Janie and wrapping arms around her friend. "He's not worth it."

Janie let the razor dropped and curled into a ball in Megan's arms. "I don't understand why... why would he...?"

"Because he's a jerk. He's not worth your time. I can kick his ass again tomorrow if you want to watch." Megan said, kissing the top of Janie's head.

Janie chuckled lightly. "No, that's okay. You don't have to."

"I would, Janie. For you, I'll beat him up everyday 'til the end of the year if you want me to."

Janie's tears stopped. "Thanks, Megan." Janie sighed. "Don't tell anyone, please?"

Megan sighed and hugged Janie a little tighter. "You can't keep doing this to yourself." She said, looking at the new rows of cuts on Janie's arms.

"Please, Megan. You can't." Janie pleaded.

"Let's get you cleaned up before your mom comes home." Megan said. She never could promise Janie that she wouldn't tell. Though, she hasn't so far. Every time she cleaned up Janie's cuts, she thought about calling Josh. She always hesitated because Josh was so stressed at college and she wasn't sure what he could do for her. Though, Megan was in this situation because of him. Well, not really, but sometimes her conscience could blame Josh when it stretched the facts really far.

After that talk she had with him when she was thirteen, Megan decided to be a little nicer to her brothers. She also tried to live by what she told Josh. This meant that Megan stood up for Janie when she started getting picked on their freshman year of high school. Janie was having a hard time with her parents splitting up and had trouble making friends. Though, she did manage to become friends with Davan, a gothic outcast. Megan found herself sticking up for Davan, too.

Soon, their group grew to include Luke, an openly gay boy. Kelly, an anorexic. Lily, an antisocial artist. And CJ, a sarcastic outcast. They were all people that sometimes got picked on for being different, for being weaker. Megan hated that and soon her pranks changed into her beating people up for her friends. It cause more trouble than a fifteen year old ought to be in, but Megan thought it was for the right reasons.

As Megan bandaged Janie's arms, she realized she didn't think of her friends as the weaker kids. She just wish that they would see that inside themselves and see how much they're really worth.


	3. Blame it on the Weatherman

**Song: 'Blame it on the Weatherman'- Bwitched

* * *

**As soon as Walter stepped out of the building he heard a loud crash of thunder just before the sky opened up.

"Oh no..." Walter whined. He was instantly soaked and was almost too depressed to move. Just an hour ago he had predicted that it would be warm and sunny starting today and it would continue through the weekend. Sighing, he made his way to the car. He was beginning to wonder why they didn't fire him. Every day this week he was wrong in his weather predictions.

Walter stayed in the car after he pulled into the driveway. He listened to the rain pounding on the windshield. This was as far away from warm and sunny as you can get. It just irked him. He didn't mind the rain storm exactly, he would just feel a lot better if he was able to see it coming.

With another loud sigh, he left the car and dashed into the house. "Walter, honey, is that you?" He heard Audrey ask from the kitchen.

"Yeah, It's me." He said as he hung up his coat.

"You're completely soaked!" Audrey said.

Walter looked over to Audrey. She was holding a large bowl and she was mixing the contents with a wooden spoon. He assumed that whatever was in the bowl would be dinner soon. "Yeah, It's raining." He muttered.

"I thought you said..." She stopped when she saw the look on Walter's face. "Why don't you go change? Dinner will be ready in half an hour." She said before retreating to the kitchen again.

Walter went upstairs and changed into some dry clothes. As he was going back downstairs, he heard the door slam. "What's wrong?" He asked Drake. Drake was completely soaked and was stomping past Walter.

Drake turned and glared at Walter. "What's wrong? What's wrong? You want to know what's wrong?" Drake asked, his voice getting louder with each question. He was waving his arms dramatically as he went. "I'll tell you what's wrong! I had a nice picnic planned in the park for Stacy. She just broke up with her boyfriend a few days ago and she was saying how he never did anything romantic for her. So I suggested a nice picnic, thinking that I could win her over. But then..." He gestured dramatically toward the door.

"It was raining?" Walter asked.

"Yes! The rain! The stupid rain that you didn't warn us about!! I go over to Stacy's house and it starts raining! No picnic for us!! So then... then she tells me that she's thinking about getting back together with her ex-boyfriend!! Thanks a lot, Walter. Because of the rain, Stacy is back with her ex-boyfriend!"

Drake was already in his room and slamming the door before Walter could think of anything to say. Feeling a little worse, he wandered down to the kitchen.

"What was that yelling about?" Audrey asked.

"Oh, I ruined Drake's date because of the rain."

"That's not fair. I'll go talk to him."

Walter caught Audrey's hand. "Don't worry about it."

"Are you sure?" Audrey asked.

Walter nodded. Audrey kissed his cheek. "Why don't you go watch some TV? Relax a little."

Walter just got comfortable on the couch when the door slammed again. "Hey, Megan. How was your day?" He asked after seeing who came in.

Megan stomped over to the couch and just glared at Walter. "It's all your fault! I was going to go camping with Janie this weekend!"

"Megan, he can't control the weather." Audrey said from the kitchen.

"He could have warned us!! We had it all planned out!! Now it's all ruined!!" Megan shrieked before stomping away.

Walter went into the kitchen and leaned against the counter. "She's very scary for a twelve year old."

Audrey laughed. "Just wait until she's a teenager."

Walter smiled slightly before saying, "I thought she watched Bruce Windchill for the weather."

"No, she watches Bruce Windchill because of his hair and happens to find out the weather at the same time. I guess she watched your report today."

"She picked the wrong week to start watching my report..." Walter said sadly.

"Cheer up, I made your favourite. How 'bout you set the table while I finish up?"

Walter agreed and soon dinner was all set out on the table. "Where's Josh?" Audrey asked as she set a bowl of biscuits on the table.

The door slammed again. Josh came in, completely soaked. "Go upstairs and change. We'll wait for you." Audrey said.

Josh kinda grunted as he went upstairs. When he returned, he didn't seem to be in a better mood.

Everyone was eating in silence and the air seemed to be tense. Walter kept catching Megan, Josh and Drake glaring at him every couple of minutes.

"So, Josh, How was work today?" Audrey asked, trying to break the silence.

"There was a leak in theater 2 because of all the rain." Josh took the time to glare at Walter before going on. "Helen made me go up on the roof to try and patch the hole."

"Isn't there someone else they could have gotten to do that?" Audrey asked.

"Helen told me to. Maybe if it hadn't been raining, it wouldn't have been that bad."

Audrey looked ready to say something but Walter put his hand on top of hers and shook his head.

"The kids shouldn't be blaming you. That's not fair." Audrey said after dinner when she and Walter were cleaning up.

"It's okay. You'd be surprised how many people blame the weatherman. They just want someone to blame." Walter said.

"They still shouldn't blame you. Are you sure you don't want me to talk to them?"

Walter caught her hand and pulled her close. "I'm sure."

Audrey hugged Walter. She sighed.

"What's wrong?" Walter asked.

"I just remembered I wanted to clean up the garden tomorrow..." She said. She looked up at Walter. "I'm sorry. I'm going to start whining like the kids now."

Walter smiled and kissed her. "We'll just have to find something else to do tomorrow."


	4. Candy

**Song: 'Candy'- Mandy Moore.

* * *

**Everyone knows that Drake Parker is addicted to two things: candy and girls. What they don't realize is that it's because of his love for one, that he became addicted to the other.

It all started in the first grade. It was recess and Drake was in the playground. Sally had a package of licorice that she was using to tease the other kids. "I'll give one to... Julie. One to... Billy." She went around deciding who would be her friend that day, and she showed her affection through a piece of licorice.

Drake was one of the first people who received a piece of candy. He ate it contently and watched Sally hand out the rest. He noticed that everyone who got a piece was happy. He also noticed that no one asked for a second piece. More importantly, he noticed that Sally had two pieces left when she walked away from the group.

The other kids were comparing pieces of licorice by saying things like, "See, Sally likes me better. My piece is bigger than yours."

Drake quietly left and walked over to Sally. "Hey, Sally, Can I have another piece?"

Sally smiled as she looked at Drake. "Why should I give you a piece?"

Drake shrugged. "'Cause I asked."

Sally shook her head as she finished the piece she had. "This is the last piece." She said, holding up the remaining candy.

"And you'll be my best friend if you let me have it." Drake said.

Sally shook her head. "That's how you got the last cupcake from Jill at her party last week."

"Yeah, but that was last week! You'll be my best friend this week."

Sally looked thoughtful. "You want this?" She asked, dangling the licorice in front of Drake's face.

Drake nodded. He started to reach for the candy when Sally pulled it away.

"Too bad!" She said. She put one end of the licorice in her mouth and let the rest dangle. She had a victorious smile on her face.

Drake felt angry. He didn't like that she was taunting him with the candy. He would show her. Suddenly, he leaned forward and bit the other end of the licorice. Sally let out a shriek through a clench jaw, unwilling to release the candy. She tried to push Drake away but he took more and more of the candy until his lips were against hers.

They both were frozen in place with shock. "Hey! Drake is kissing Sally!" One of their classmates yelled.

Drake bit the candy and pulled away from Sally. He smiled at her stunned expression. "Thanks for the candy." He said. He walked away happily chewing the licorice that he had stolen. It was that day that Drake learned that girls don't have cooties. He learned that girls are sweet, and taste a lot like candy.

It was that kind of thinking that got him in the situation he's in now. At the moment, Drake was trying to find a girl to kiss.

It's all Josh's fault. Josh had bet Drake that he couldn't go without candy and Drake didn't think Josh could go without his video game. The first to lose has to dye his hair pink. Drake couldn't dye his hair pink, he just couldn't! The problem though, Drake was going through major withdrawl.

"Lily! Hey, wanna make out?" Drake asked. Lily always wore cherry lip gloss.

"Sorry, Drake. I'm late for the yearbook meeting." She said, running off.

Drake sighed. He glanced around the hallway. Paula didn't wear flavored lip gloss. Patricia wore some sparkly lip gloss that didn't taste good. Regina! Drake ran over and kissed Regina. He was in heaven. Regina always wears this vanilla flavored lip gloss that tastes like cupcakes.

"Drake. What are you doing?" She asked, finally pulling away. "Not that I'm not happy."

Drake shrugged. "I was just saying hello." He leaned in to kiss her again.

"Sorry, Drake. I have to go. I promised Michelle that I would help her study for her history test tomorrow."

"Okay." Drake mumbled. He had to hurry. He only had a few minutes before Josh would be ready to go home. He ran down another hallway. He spotted a girl he didn't know. He saw her put a pack of chewy, fruity candy back in her purse.

"Hey, I'm Drake." He said, leaning against the locker next to hers.

She smiled. "I'm Melissa." Drake noticed that her tongue was orange. She must have just finished a candy.

"Perfect. I'm gonna kiss you now. Okay?" He said. He didn't give her a chance to respond. She tasted sweet and orange.

"Hey, what do you think you're doing?" Someone said, pulling Drake away from Melissa. Before Drake could register what was happening. He was on the floor with some guy standing over him.

"I never want to see you near my girlfriend again!" He said, pointing down to Drake. Melissa took her boyfriend's hand and waved at Drake before walking away.

Drake stayed on the floor a minute, just staring at the ceiling. Suddenly, Josh came into his line of vision. "Ready to give up yet?" Josh asked, looking amused.

"Shut up." Drake said. He stood up. "Let's just go home."


	5. Dark Blue

**A/N: This one took so long to get up because it was originally twice as long but didn't get across the feeling I wanted to get across. I guess sometimes less is more. **

**Song: 'Dark Blue'- Jack's Mannequin**

* * *

It was just like Josh always imagined it would be. Mindy looked beautiful in her dark blue gown and Josh felt calm and confident in his tuxedo. He felt like James Bond instead of the goofy kid that used to get teased once upon a time.

They had been dancing for hours before they announced the prom king and queen. Drake was crowned prom king and he was currently looking as if he really was a king and as if the title would still mean something in the morning.

Josh was happy for Drake. This whole night had felt like something out of some movie. 'Perfect' was the only word that came to Josh's mind. As the music started up again and Josh took Mindy's hand, he noticed that Mindy didn't look happy.

"What's wrong?" Josh asked, pulling Mindy close.

Mindy shrugged. "I guess it kinda hit me that this is it. We're graduating next week and it will be over."

"I thought you were ready to graduate."

"I'm ready to not go to high school anymore. I've just been wondering if I'm ready for college. I won't know anyone and... what if my roommate is completely horrid?"

Josh chuckled. "It's going to be fine. Besides, I won't be too far away. We can spend weekends together."

"Do you think we'll really be able to last?" Mindy asked seriously.

Josh smiled. "Let's go." Josh said, leading a very confused Mindy toward the elevators.

"Where are we going?"

"You'll see." Josh hit the button for the elevator.

"Wow, look at that view!" Mindy exclaimed when they stepped onto the roof of the hotel.

"Yeah, it's great." Josh watched Mindy scan the horizon with her bright eyes. All Josh could see was her. The way her hair moved in the breeze. The way her dress matched the colour of the sky and the ocean. Josh gently took Mindy's hand and put his other hand on her waist.

They didn't need music. The distant sound of the waves crashing against the shore was enough music for Josh.

"You know... It really is beautiful out here." Josh glanced up at the perfectly clear sky with the billions of twinkling lights. Josh returned his gaze to Mindy. "But not as beautiful as you."

Even in the dark, Josh could see the blush starting to form on Mindy's face. "Thank you." She managed to say softly.

"I've been stressed about college, too." Josh admitted. "I realized it's stupid to worry about it now. I want to enjoy my last few days of high school. I want to slow down and take it all in. It's going to go by so fast and... I just want to remember it."

They danced in silence for a couple of minutes before Josh continued. "I realize that it's naive of me to think that we'll make it through the next four years without troubles. That is, if we make it at all. So, I'll say it now, we might not make it."

Josh was worried he had been too blunt when Mindy frowned. It's just that he needed to say this. "I really hope we make it because I love you. I'm willing to give it a try if you are."

"I am." Mindy said earnestly.

Josh smiled. "Whatever happens. I just wanted us to have this moment. This perfect moment of just me and you on this gorgeous night. Whenever I'm lonely, I want to be able to think of you and this moment and keep it as a reminder of how much I love you."

Josh twirled Mindy and then dipped her. Her eyes reflected the stars above them. Josh helped Mindy stand up straight and kissed her. "I love you." Mindy whispered against Josh's lips.

Josh didn't think he could wipe the smile off his face even if he wanted to. "Are you ready to go back down?"

Mindy linked her arm through Josh's. "You know, you really surprised me. I didn't know you could be so... dashing. I'm impressed."

After a compliment like that, Josh felt the night really was perfect.


	6. Even Angels Fall

**Song: 'Even Angels Fall'- Jessica Riddle

* * *

**

The first time Walter saw Audrey, it took his breath away. He could remember being completely frozen where he stood. Audrey had noticed him, probably because he was standing so still amongst the crowd of people as he watched her walk by. Walter remembered the amuse smile that was on her face as she walked past him. He replayed that smile over and over again in his mind. He tried to decipher whether that smile meant that she might be interested or if she had been on the verge of laughing at him.

It took Walter a week to work up the courage to talk to Audrey. Walter just found himself so captivated by Audrey. He had found out that she has two kids, one around his own son's age. She loved California and she hated the cold. Walter stored all these little facts in the back of his mind. After a week of talking, Walter found the courage to ask Audrey out.

One day, about a month into their blossoming relationship, Walter felt incredibly guilty. He couldn't remember what triggered it exactly. Maybe it was the way Audrey's hand brushed against his, or maybe it was the way she smiled, or maybe it was because she asked about Josh. All Walter knew was that the name Sarah was on the tip of his tongue and it was such a crushing blow.

"What's wrong?" Audrey asked, looking concerned about Walter's sudden mood change.

"I just remembered..." Walter took a breath. "Can we do this another time? I just remembered something."

"Yeah, sure. I should be heading back to work anyway." Audrey said, standing up and gathering her purse and jacket. "Are you sure you're all right?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." Walter said, placing a couple of dollars on the table to cover the coffees and a tip.

Audrey look unconvinced. She kissed Walter's cheek. "You know, you can talk to me about whatever it is."

Walter had muttered a thanks and watched Audrey go before heading home.

-----

Walter was sitting at the kitchen table as he stared at the calendar. He could not believe it. Last week was the anniversary of Sarah's death and it came and went without anyone noticing.

Walter had been out with Audrey that night. They were all dressed up and planning to go to a fancy restaurant. Somehow, instead of the restaurant, they found themselves packing a makeshift picnic from things they bought at a 7-11 and going down to the beach to watch the sun set.

"Hey, Dad. What's up?" Josh asked as he entered the kitchen. Walter watched Josh go to the fridge. Josh pulled a carton of milk out of the fridge, poured it carefully in a glass and returned the carton to the fridge. Josh brought his glass of milk over to the table and sat down across from Walter.

Josh looked confused by Walter's lack of a response. "Did you want a glass of milk, too?"

Walter watched his son's expression change, as if Josh was silently scolding himself for not asking his father if he wanted a glass of milk when he first went to the fridge. "Sure, a glass of milk would be great."

Walter realized he was lucky to have a conscientious son like Josh. "You want to grab some cookies, too?" Walter asked.

A smile lit up Josh's face. "Sure." Josh said excitedly. He reached into the top cabinet and Walter almost stood up to help Josh get the cookies down. Walter lowered himself back into his chair. He kept forgetting how big Josh was getting. Since he turned fourteen, Josh seemed to be growing inches at a time.

Josh returned with a plate of cookies and handed Walter a glass of milk. Walter silently dunked a cookie into his glass of milk and he noticed Josh mirror his actions.

"You look like you have a lot on your mind. Did your lunch date go okay?" Josh asked.

Walter didn't know how to respond. He wondered if he should share what's really on his mind. "Do you remember anything about your mom?" Walter asked suddenly, the words falling out of his mouth before he could stop them.

Josh almost choked on the cookie he was eating, surprised by the question. He coughed and took a sip of his milk before taking a deep breath.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean... you don't have to answer that..." Walter said, trying to somehow erase the question.

Josh shook his head. "It's fine." He looked out the window as he thought about it. "I'm not sure if it's really memories I have... It's more like a feeling, I guess..."

Walter found himself leaning forward, desperately needing to know what exactly his son meant.

"Like, when it's cool out and the breeze brushes against my cheek and I hear the rustling of the leaves in the trees... I just get a feeling. Almost like deja vu. I can almost remember sitting in a stroller and mom would stop and pull my hat down a little more, or the collar of my jacket up a little more." Josh paused. "Whenever I see pictures of leaves changing colours, I think of her. In my mind, I always thought that she would like the leaves changing in fall..."

"She did..." Walter said. His voice broke and a tear dropped onto his cheek.

Josh looked horrified for a second as he looked at Walter. Walter couldn't figure out if it's because he was watching his dad get emotional, or if he was worried that it was something he said to make Walter react this way. "Dad, I'm sorry."

Walter waved one hand to let Josh know that it was no big deal and he wiped his other hand across his eyes. Walter chuckled slightly. "I'm sorry, son. It's just that sometimes I forget the little things like that. She really did love the leaves falling. I could never finish raking the leaves because as soon as the pile was big enough she would jump in it with you."

A small smile started to appear on Josh's face. "The sound of leaves crunching always reminds me of Mom."

Walter opened his mouth to say something. Instead, he got up and looked in the living room closet. He returned to the table with three large photo albums. Walter opened the third book, almost exactly to the page he was looking for. He turned the page and turned the album around so Josh could see the picture. "This is my favourite picture of you two." Walter said, pointing to a picture at the bottom of the page.

It was a picture of Sarah sitting in a big pile of leaves with a two year old Josh on her lap. They both had huge smiles on their faces and bits of fallen leaves stuck in their hair.

Josh smiled. "It looks like we were happy."

"Your mom loved you very much." Walter opened the first album and the first picture was Sarah holding Josh right after he was born. Josh's eyes scanned over the picture as if he was trying to memorize every detail in it.

Walter started talking. The last time Walter looked at these pictures with Josh, it was right after Sarah had died. Josh had asked, "Where's mommy?" Walter pulled out the albums and sat Josh on his lap and explained that mommy had to go away. That any time Josh missed her, and wanted to see her, that he could look through the pictures.

Walter knew that every now and then, Josh looked through the pictures. This time was different. This time Josh asked questions about things and Walter was really able to share memories with his son.

Walter didn't even realize how much time had passed until he saw Josh stifling a yawn. He glanced at the clock. "Wow, it's 11. You better get to bed."

Josh nodded as he yawned again. "'Kay, Dad."

Josh started to head for bed, leaving Walter with the pictures. Walter traced his finger over one picture of Sarah. It still hurt. He would always love her, and he would always miss her, and it would always hurt. It just didn't hurt the way it used to. It was as if something had come in and filled in a part of the space in him that was reserved for the pain of missing Sarah.

"I knew what last Friday was..." a voice from behind interrupted Walter's thoughts.

Walter hadn't even heard Josh come back to the kitchen. He turned around and looked at his son.

"I knew, but I didn't say anything... You just looked so happy when you were leaving for your date. I didn't want to..." Josh stopped and Walter could feel his eyes filling with tears again. "I really believe, that mom would want you to be happy..."

Walter nodded. "You should get to bed." He said, trying to keep his voice under control. Josh turned to walk away again. "I love you, son."

Josh turned and smiled at Walter. "I love you, too, Dad."

-----

Walter didn't even realize what he was doing until he had already knocked on Audrey's front door. It was just before midnight and Walter realized that he should have thought things through. He could have waited until morning.

Walter was just about to walk away when the door opened. "Walter, what are you doing here?" Audrey asked, pulling her robe closed against the night air.

"I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking. I'll talk to you in the morning." Walter said quickly, turning to walk away.

Audrey grabbed Walter's hand. "Don't worry about it. Is everything okay?" Audrey stepped outside and closed the door behind her.

"I wanted to apologize about earlier. I didn't mean to bolt on you like that." Walter said, looking at the ground.

"It's fine. Do you want to talk about it?"

Walter finally looked at Audrey. There was a faint smile on her face and she looked like she really wanted to know what was going through Walter's head. "My wife... Sarah... Died twelve years ago last Friday."

"Oh." Audrey said softly. She sat down on the front step and Walter sat next to her.

"We were at lunch today, and I just remembered that..."

Audrey looked confused for a moment before her expression cleared. "Oh, Walter..." She said, softly touching his arm.

"For the first time in twelve years, the day passed and the world didn't fall apart around me. I mean, I've dated since... not a lot... but I've dated. If I was in a relationship, I would just spend that day at home and look at old photos... but this year..."

"We were at the beach..." Audrey said quietly.

"Yeah..." Walter looked at the ground again.

"When Bobby left... I know it's not the same... but when Bobby left, I felt guilty whenever I looked at another man. For the longest time, it just felt like the second I looked at another man, that's when Bobby would show up and want to give things another chance." Audrey said softly. She chuckled before continuing. "I guess it was a legitimate fear. The first time he came back, I was on my first date since he left. That night, I ended up conceiving Megan."

Walter looked at Audrey. It was the first time she had mentioned Drake and Megan's dad.

Audrey shook her head. "I'm sorry, I don't know what I'm talking about. I was just thinking about the guilt I felt. Even though he was the one to leave, I felt like I was betraying the father of my children. It's nothing compared to how you feel about... Sarah?" Audrey looked at Walter to see if she had gotten the name right. She continued after Walter nodded. "I just don't know what to say. I just want to tell you that it will be all right. That you can live your life without betraying her. That she can still hold a place in your heart and..." Audrey gestured wildly. "Because this is what living is... It's going through the bad times and coming out the other side. It's about falling down and starting over again! It's about..."

Audrey was cut off by a kiss from Walter. "Thank you." He said softly. His forehead rested against Audrey's.

"I know you can never replace her. I just... I just want there to be room in your life... for me."

Walter kissed Audrey again. "There's room."


	7. Fade Out, Fade In

**Song: 'Fade Out/In'- Paloalto **

* * *

The band bustled about back stage excitedly. Out past the stage, hundreds of people were cheering and waiting... for him. Drake couldn't hear any of it. There was an eerie silence surrounding him. It was all so surreal. He couldn't believe that this was happening. That people were cheering his name. It's a mistake. Drake felt like he was going to wake up at any moment and discover that this is all a dream. 

"Hey, Dude. You okay?" The drummer asked, placing his hand on Drake's shoulder.

"Huh?" Drake was shaken from his thoughts. Sound came flooding back in a thunderous roar.

"Everything is gonna be fine. Don't look so terrified." The drummer said before stepping out onto the stage.

Drake wasn't terrified though. As he stepped onto the stage, he felt at home. Like everything in his life so far had been leading up to _this_ moment. Drake held his guitar and felt his heart beat faster. This was it, everything he ever wanted was right in front of him.

Drake was acutely aware of the feeling of the guitar strings beneath his finger tips. When he started singing, his voice rang out strong and confident.

Drake closed his eyes and every cell of his body felt alive and buzzing with music. Everything was falling away. Every negative thought he ever had and every joy he ever felt was being carried out over the crowd with every note he played.

Drake's head felt light and every movement felt effortless. At one point, he faintly wondered what Josh and Mindy were thinking. Did they understand that this is why he couldn't go to one of their ivy league schools? Is this how Mindy felt about medicine? Is this how Josh felt about physics? Did they see how Drake couldn't just fit in? That he didn't _want_ to fit in? They kept saying that this year would be different. They aren't in high school anymore and Drake would have to plan for his future.

Drake had a plan. His plan simply involved not fading into anything. With every move he made he planned on standing out, shining brightly, being the center of attention. He would do anything to be more than just another face in the crowd.

Something sparkling caught Drake's attention. Drake turned slightly to find the source of the sparkling. That's when Drake saw her. She was wearing a silver shirt that shimmered in the lights. She must have had some body glitter on because the lights sparkled off her skin, almost reminding Drake of looking up at the stars.

Her purple hair framed her face and she was singing at the top of her lungs. When she finally caught Drake's gaze her mouth froze in a perfect 'O' shape. She smiled and pointed to herself. Then, she drew a heart in the air with her fingers. Finally, she pointed to Drake.

Drake could feel himself smile, unable to really respond since he was singing. He turned his attention to the rest of the crowd. Out of the corner of his eye he saw the purple haired girl resume her singing, looking a little happier than she had a moment before.

If Drake could captivate someone who so obviously wanted to stand out from the crowd as well, he must be doing something right.  
-----

Drake quickly drained the bottle of water that someone had handed to him. His hair clung to his forehead and he was out of breath.

"Drake!" A familiar voice called out over the crowd of people backstage.

"Megan!" Drake rushed over to where she was. "What'd you think?"

"Sometimes you do things and it makes me not so ashamed to tell people that you're my brother." Megan said, trying to suppress her smile.

"I'll take that as a compliment." Drake said, gently hitting Megan's arm. "Hey, Janie."

"Hey, Drake, that was really great." Janie said shyly.

"Man, that was AWESOME!! I can't believe how many people are here!!" The tall sandy haired boy standing next to Janie exclaimed.

"Drake, this is CJ. CJ, don't encourage Drake too much, his ego might explode." Megan said.

"Funny." Drake said, "Have you seen Josh and Mindy around?"

Just as Drake asked the question, he spotted Josh a couple of feet away. "Hug me brother!!" Josh exclaimed.

Drake ran over and leaped at Josh. Josh's arms wrapped around Drake for a second before pushing him away. "Ewww, you're sweaty."

Drake laughed. "You're the one who wanted a hug." Drake noticed Mindy staring at him. Drake searched her face for any sign that maybe his music moved her. "Don't have too much fun there, Mindy. I mean, I only played in front of my biggest crowd ever. Nothing to get excited about." Drake said dryly.

Mindy folded her arms. "Fine, I'll admit the show wasn't completely... atrocious."

"Man, you compliment people the same way Megan does." Drake commented.

Mindy rolled her eyes before finally smiling a little. "You know you were great. You don't need to here it from me"  
-----

When Josh, Mindy, Megan and her friends finally left, Drake's body was still full of adrenaline. He stopped and signed some autographs on the way to his car. It was after one in the morning, so the crowd had thinned out considerably.

It was dark in the back parking lot where Drake's car sat. Drake felt this creepy feeling, like there was someone watching him, but he quickly wrote it off as his body finally settling down. Drake had his keys in his hand, ready to unlock the car when something landed next to him.

Drake let out a startled and not so manly noise. "Holy cow! Where did you come from?" Drake asked the purple haired girl that had materialized next to him.

The purple haired girl smiled and pointed up. Drake looked up to where she was pointing and saw a fire escape platform. "You jumped from _there_? You're insane! Drake exclaimed.

The purple haired girl shrugged. "I like to make a dramatic entrance. Besides, I climbed down a couple of rungs on the ladder before jumping."

"How long were you up there?"

She shrugged. "Not long."

Drake began to relax and leaned against the car. "So, what caused you to make a superhero style entrance?"

The girl smiled. "I saw you looking at me."

"And...?" Drake raised his eyebrow.

"And...I know that you..." She stopped and drew a heart in the air with her fingers. "... me, too."

"I do?" Drake smirked.

The girl stepped closer. "You do."

"I'm Drake."

The girl smiled. "I know. I'm Angela." She said softly, taking another step closer.

"My... my hotel is just down the road..." Drake offered, trying to keep his voice steady.

Angela pressed herself against Drake, her mouth right next to his ear. "What's wrong with right here?"


	8. Good News

**Song: 'Good News'- Something Corporate. **

* * *

"Mrs. Nichols." The doctor said. "You can come in now."

Walter looked over at his wife. He could practically feel the anxiety coming off her. Sarah gently patted their two year old son's head. She stood up and reluctantly handed the toddler to Walter's mother.

Walter's insides felt frozen. They couldn't go into the doctor's office. If they didn't go in there, then the doctor couldn't say the things that Walter fears him saying. They could just live in blissful ignorance until...

Though Walter's insides were standing still, his body still went through the motions. He reached for his wife's hand. He gave her the most reassuring smile that he could muster. He took the first step towards the office when his wife was unable to.

The doctor greeted them and motioned for them to sit down. Walter was staring at the man sitting behind the desk. Doctor...

Walter's mind went blank. He could not remember the name of this man who was about to deliver them the worst news of their lives.

"Now, Sarah, we always knew there was a possibility of this happening..."

With those words, Walter's world came crashing down around him. Walter squeezed his eyes closed, trying to block out this new information. This information that sent his world spinning totally out of control. It couldn't be... This couldn't be happening.

Walter opened his eyes when Sarah squeezed his hand. He looked over at his wife and realized that he had to listen to these awful words. Sarah wouldn't be able to hold all these words on her own. She shouldn't have to.

"There's been a lot of advancement since the last time..."

Walter couldn't believe it. This couldn't be happening to his beautiful, athletic, charming wife. They had been going out for a month when Sarah said that she had had cancer a few years before. Walter had found it hard to believe then. When he met Sarah, it was in remission. She was a star volleyball player. Everything about her was the picture of health and perfection.

"We can start on Monday..." The doctor said after he explained a bunch of complicated things that Walter only half understood.

Walter found himself nodding. He was just going to trust the doctor with this.

"Can we think about this? Before we make any plans?" Sarah asked, her voice sounding weak.

Walter looked at his wife in shock. What was there to think about?

The doctor gave a sad smile. "I'll get things set up for Monday, but think about it over the weekend. If you change your mind, we'll cancel it. If not, we'll be set to go."

"What's there to think...?" A look from Sarah cut off Walter's question.

The doctor stood. "Call me anytime if you have any questions. You have my home number, right?"

"Yes, Doctor." Sarah stood. "Thank you."

A confused Walter followed Sarah out of the office. He watched Sarah scoop Josh in her arms and hold him tight. She started to walk toward the elevators.

"I take it that it didn't go well?" Walter's mother asked in a hushed voice.

"No... it didn't..."  
-----

The drive home was silent. Walter's mom had offered to take Josh for the weekend but Walter thought Sarah would feel better if Josh was around.

"You want to go for a walk?" Sarah asked softly when they pulled into the driveway.

Walter turned off the car. He turned and looked into Sarah's tear filled eyes. There was a million things he wanted to tell her. He wanted to say how much he loved her. How he couldn't live without her. How much Josh needed her.

Walter reached to touch Sarah's face. His mouth open ready to let everything out. Something in Sarah's eyes stopped him. Walter brush Sarah's hair away from her face. A sad smile started to form on his face. "I think a walk sounds good."

"Great." Sarah said with a laugh. She looked away and tears splashed onto her cheeks when she blinked. "I'll... I'm just going to get a hat for Josh."

Walter took Josh out of the car while Sarah ran into the house. Josh was happily stomping along the driveway when Sarah came out.

There was a bright smile on her face as she put Josh's hat on his head. She put a purple hat on her own head before turning to Walter. "I brought one for you, too."

When Walter reached for the hat, he grabbed Sarah's hand as well. He pulled her close and kissed her. "I love you."

Sarah wrapped her arms around Walter. "I love you, too." She stood there for a long moment.

"Walk?" Josh asked, looking up at his parents.

Sarah laughed and stepped away from Walter. "That's right, Josh. Let's go for a walk."

They each took one of Josh's hands. They walked slowly. Josh stomped on dead leaves on the sidewalk and giggled loudly when they made a satisfying crunch sound. There was one that didn't crunch, and Josh repeatedly stomped his foot harder on the leaf. An annoyed look crossed his face and he looked up at his parents.

Sarah squatted so she was eye level with Josh. She stealthily picked up a nearby leaf that would crunch. "Try again, Josh." She said gently.

Josh looked unconvinced and glanced up at Walter. "Go on, buddy. Try again." Walter and Sarah shared a look. Sarah's eyes sparkled.

Josh lifted his foot over the leaf, holding on tightly to his parents' hands to steady himself. When his foot dropped on the leaf, Sarah squeezed the leaf in her hand.

"Crunch!" Josh exclaimed, smiling victoriously.

"You did it, Josh." Sarah kissed Josh's cheek before standing up.

"Good trick." Walter commented.

Sarah shrugged. "This is why we can't move. Josh would miss the leaves changing."

Walter snorted. "Sure, project your feeling on the baby. We can't move because someone is afraid of anything south or west of Pennsylvania."

Sarah made a dramatic face. "Not true!"

"Yeah, just admit it. You're scared of California. That's why we can't move out there."

"Please, just because I am an East coast girl. It doesn't mean I'm scared of California. I fear nothing!" Sarah exclaimed dramatically.

She was just joking around, but the words hit them both like a punch to the stomach. A horrified expression appeared on Sarah's face as she looked at Walter.

They stood there for a long moment, just staring at each other. They both had their mouths open ready to say something, but no words were coming. A cold breeze passed by them and Walter could see Sarah shiver.

"Brrr." Josh said, tugging impatiently at their hands.

Sarah bent down and zipped Josh's coat some more. She pulled the collar of his jacket up and his hat down a little more.  
-----

"I think we tired him out. He was asleep before I finished putting his pajamas on him." Walter said softly. He climbed into bed next to Sarah.

Sarah took her glasses off. She set them and the medical journal she was reading on the night stand. "It's not as easy as it sounds. There's a lot of things to consider." Sarah said suddenly.

Walter almost asked her what she was talking. It suddenly sank in. He waited for Sarah to continue.

"I know what I went through last time. I don't want to..." Sarah sighed. "What about Josh? What if it gets to a point where I can't take care of him?"

"But what if it works? What if it buys you some time and...?" Walter stopped. He really didn't want to argue about it. He didn't want to argue at all.

They laid in silence for ten minutes before Sarah finally spoke. "You know, we're really lucky. I didn't think I could have kids. Josh... He's just such a great kid..."

Walter put his arm around Sarah. "He is..."

"A lot of things could have happened last time. Maybe if they had taken out both ovaries instead of one. If they had..." Sarah's voice broke. "No matter what happens. I don't regret it. I got to give birth to our beautiful son. He's so beautiful..."

Walter pulled Sarah close. He didn't know what to say. When they went to the doctor's a couple of weeks before it was because they were trying to have another baby and months of trying had gotten them nowhere. Their biggest fear a couple of weeks ago was that they might have to go through fertility treatments. Instead, after a battery of tests they found...

"If I go on Monday... I'll probably have to quit my job at the lab. I don't think I could work there while..."

Walter held Sarah tighter. "We'll figure it out. We don't have to talk about it tonight."

Walter felt Sarah nod against his chest. "I love you."

"I love you, too."


	9. How To Save A Life

**A/N: Don't ask what I was thinking, but when I decided to write this series of stories, this is the first one I planned out. I put a lot of thought on how to set up the flashbacks (in italics) and I hope this chapter comes across the way I want it to.**

**Warning: A tearjerker, unless I've completely failed at being a wanna-be writer. **

**Song: 'How To Save A Live'- The Fray**

* * *

Megan had just crossed the Washington border on her way up to Seattle. She briefly thought about calling CJ to see if he was there yet, but quickly decided she didn't want to know. If she didn't call and she didn't know... then, it wasn't happening. She was just driving up there for a normal visit. Everything was fine... 

It was dark now, and Megan felt a little creeped out driving on this road surrounded by trees with no signs of civilization in sight.

Megan tried to just focus on driving, but she couldn't help but replay the last time she saw Janie in her head, over and over again. She tried to remember the times before that. Had Janie always looked at her like that? Did Janie always sound so...?

Megan gripped the wheel and pushed her foot harder on the gas pedal. She just had to get there. Janie had to be okay. She would get there and Janie would be there with CJ. In the morning they would laugh about this. Janie would apologize for being over-dramatic, and Megan would admit that she shouldn't have panicked and called CJ. CJ would make some off colour joke that they would all laugh at. Everything would be fine...

Megan wondered if she should be grateful that she was already through most of Oregon when she got the call instead of still being in California. Grateful for what? That she was a couple of hours closer so she could get there sooner to save Janie? Sooner to find Janie...?

"No." Megan said firmly. She wasn't going to think like that. Janie is fine. CJ was going to be there soon and he would be able to hold off any crisis until Megan got there.

Megan reached for her phone and hit the speed dial button for Janie's apartment. Megan tossed the phone to the side angrily when there was no answer. How could Janie call and get her that worried and then not pick up the phone?

_"I just wanted to hear your voice one last time before..."  
__"Before what, Janie?"  
"In case..."  
"In case, What? What are you talking about?" Megan heard Janie sniffle.  
"I love you, Megan."  
"Janie, what do you mean? I'm going to be there in a few hours."  
"Goodbye, Megan. I love you."_

Megan had screamed 'I love you, too.' but she wasn't sure if Janie had heard it. Megan had to pull over to the side of the road after the call, she was shaking so badly. She tried to call Janie back and called CJ when Janie didn't answer.

_"Hello."  
"Hey, CJ. Can you do me a favor?"  
"I'm at work. Can it wait?"  
"No, It's really important. I need you to go check on Janie. She's not answering her phone."  
CJ laughed. "Janie rarely answers her phone. Besides, Aren't you on your way to her apartment? I'll be there tomorrow."  
"CJ. Please. Please can you leave tonight? If you leave right now, you'll get there first. I'm too far away." Megan begged.  
"What did she say to you?" CJ asked, concern filled his voice. Megan couldn't respond. She couldn't repeat all the things going through her mind. She couldn't tell CJ...  
"I'm leaving now." CJ said when Megan didn't respond. Megan nodded.  
"Thanks" She managed to whisper when she realized how stupid it had been to nod. "Where are you?" CJ asked.  
"Somewhere near the Washington border, I think." Megan said. She took a deep breath, she needed to calm down so she could keep driving and get to Janie.  
"I'm sure Janie's fine." CJ said, not sounding very convincing. "I'll call you when I get there. Just be careful."_

For the next hour, Megan tried to convince herself that Janie was fine. Megan was maybe an hour away from Seattle. An hour and a half, tops. With every mile that went by, Megan felt more and more anxious. Her hands hurt from how hard she was gripping the steering wheel. She wasn't sure how much longer she would last. It felt like the tension was radiating off her and it had filled the car. It was choking her.

"Stupid Janie." Megan muttered bitterly. She was so distracted by this thought that she didn't see the creature standing in the middle of the road.

Megan let out a terrified scream as she swerved to avoid hitting the creature. She slammed on the brakes and the car came to a stop just off the side of the road. Megan was frozen in place, panting as she tried to catch her breath.

Whatever was in the road had scampered off when Megan turned to look at it. She let out a startled yelp as a cheerful jingle noise pierced the tense silence in the car. She frantically tried to find her phone from the place she had tossed it. She unbuckled her seat belt and reached under the passenger seat. She felt her fingertips brush against it.

The phone stopped ringing as Megan crawled into the backseat. She sat on the floor of the car and reached under the passenger seat again. The phone sprang to life with it's cheerful jingle again and Megan read the caller ID.

It was CJ. Megan's heart jumped. CJ was calling to tell her that everything is fine. That Janie was safe and sound and to tell Megan that she can stop panicking.

"Hello?" Megan said into the phone. There was silence on the other end of the phone and Megan's heart sank to the floor. She checked to make sure the call was still connected before saying, "Hello? CJ?"

There was a sniffling sound on the other end of the phone. A sniffling sound from someone who was definitely not Janie. Megan would have recognized Janie's sniffle anywhere.

"No!" Megan exclaimed. She felt that her heart had stopped. Suddenly, her skin was cold. Every inch of her felt icy and she knew nothing would ever be the same again.

There was a sob on the other end of the phone. "I'm sorry." CJ cried.

Megan closed her eyes against this information. Sure, Janie had talked about it before and there was that one scare before graduation last year, but Megan never thought...

"I didn't know what to do. I've been sitting here not knowing what to do. I didn't know if I should call you or wait. If I should call..." CJ's voice broke. "Should I call...?"

"You didn't call an ambulance?" Megan asked, feeling sick and horrified.

"She was blue by time I got here... She... Megan, it took me a couple of hours to get here. There's nothing I could have... She was..."

"Stop!" Megan snapped. She heard CJ sob again and felt her heart break all over again. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't mean..."

"I know." CJ said softly. Megan could imagine that he was wiping his tears on his sleeve. He probably tried so hard to keep himself together. "So, should I... or did you want to...?"

Megan didn't need to ask him what he meant. He wanted to know if she wanted to see Janie's body. "You should call... Just, if they get there before me..."

"I will."

Megan almost asked how Janie did it, but she stopped herself. She would see it for herself soon enough. "I love you." Megan said it so softly it was almost if she didn't say it at all.

"I love you, too. Be careful."

Megan hung up the phone and felt completely numb. With shaky hands she started dialing.

"Hello?"

"Mindy, can I talk to...?" Megan hiccuped. She just realized the tears that were streaming down her face.

"Josh, your sister's on the phone." Megan heard Mindy say.

"Hey, Megs. What's up?" Josh asked, sounding as cheerful as ever.

The sound of Josh's voice broke through Megan's icy numbness. Pain flooded all of her senses as sobs raked through her body.

"Megan, what's wrong? Where are you?"

Megan cried harder, hating the fact that Josh's voice filled with panic. "Washington..." Megan struggled to breathe. "Janie..." She couldn't say it. "Janie... Oh, God..." Megan cried. It was as if she was finding out all over again. If she said the words. Then, it was true. CJ didn't say the words...

"Where are you?" Josh asked calmly.

"I don't know!!"

Megan heard Josh take a deep breath. "Megan, breathe. Okay? Can you just focus on breathing for a minute?"

Megan nodded even though Josh couldn't see. She opened the door and laid back, resting her head on the bottom of the car's door frame. She slowly breathed in the cool night air. Megan could see the stars. The tears stopped flowing.

"Do you want me to come get you? Well, I can call..."

Megan shook her head before replying. "I need to get to Janie's apartment before they take..." Megan's breath hitched. Before they take the body...

"I can be there by morning. I'll take the first plane out there." Josh paused. "Do you want me to call anyone? Like Janie's mom...?"

Megan squeezed her eyes shut. She didn't want to think about Janie's mom. Janie's mom kicked Janie out last year. She didn't have the right to... "No, I'll call her when I can." Megan wanted to wait until morning. She didn't want to deal with Janie's mom while...

"Are you going to be okay to drive?"

"I'll make it." Megan said softly. CJ was sitting alone in Janie's apartment. Well, alone with... Megan had to get to him. "Can... Can you call Drake? I..." Megan didn't know how to explain it. She just needed her brothers with her. That's what big brothers were for, right? They had to know what to do.

"I'll bring him with me." Josh said in a tone that made Megan believe that he understood. "Call me when you get... there. Okay?"

"Sure... I love you." Megan flinched at the words. She was making sure everyone knew that she loved them. She had to. What if Janie didn't know?

"I love you, too. I'll be there as soon as I can"  
-----

CJ was outside smoking when Megan pulled up to Janie's apartment building. They stared at each other for a long moment before Megan actually approached him.

"There's a police officer up there looking around. I... I couldn't stand being in there while they..." CJ gestured vaguely to the door.

"They didn't...?" Megan started.

CJ shook his head. "No. They're just looking around. To make sure... They asked a few questions and..." He sighed and stomped his cigarette out on the ground before lighting another one.

Megan leaned against the wall beside CJ. She wasn't sure what to say. Every sentence that they said just died off in the middle because neither of them could bear saying the words. "I thought you quit." Megan said, gesturing to the cigarette.

"I'm just making an exception for the night." CJ said softly. He held the pack out toward Megan. Megan took one and CJ lit it for her. Megan thought it would have been a romantic moment under different circumstances. Their eyes locked as the space between them glowed from the small flame. Something stirred inside Megan. She realized how much she missed seeing CJ all the time. She shook her head and leaned back against the wall. This was the wrong time to think about that.

"You know... Janie was my first girlfriend." CJ said after several minutes had passed. "The first girl I ever kissed."

Megan held the cigarette between her fingers and pulled it away from her mouth. Her hand fell limply to her side. "She's the first girl I ever kissed, too." Megan tried to say lightly, but found that instead of a laugh, a sob came out. The cigarette fell from her fingers and Megan watched the tiny sparks scatter upon impact. "Do you think she knew...? I mean, even if I am straight... I loved her. Just, not..."

CJ gathered Megan in his arms. "She must have. We all loved her."

It felt so warm in CJ's arm. Megan felt herself start to relax. For a moment, she forgot why she was there.

A loud cough from behind them brought them out of the moment. They turned to see a police officer. "We're done up there. Did you guys want a moment before...?"

Megan found it almost amusing that the police officer couldn't finish a sentence either. "Yeah. I need a moment." Megan stepped away from CJ. "Do you want to...?"

CJ shook his head. He nervously ran his fingers through his hair. "It's alright. I spent the past hour with her..." A strange expression crossed his face as the meaning of the words sank in.

"I won't be long." Megan said, letting her fingers brush against CJ's arm as she passed him.

Megan paused when she got to the doorway of Janie's apartment. It was bright inside. Way too bright.

"She's in the other room..." The police officer said gently.

Megan muttered a small thanks. She was grateful that he said "She's in" instead of "It's in." Because as Megan entered the other room, she realized that's all Janie is now. An 'it,' It's just a body. Just a body that formerly belonged to her best friend.

Megan paused before entering the bedroom. She stood there in the eerie silence and realized it wasn't raining. It rained every time she visited Janie. It constantly tapped against the windows. Megan wondered why it wasn't dark and stormy out. Out of all nights, this should have been a dark and stormy night. She took a deep breath before finally entering the room.

Megan sat indian style on the floor. Just a few inches away from where the puddle of blood stopped. Megan stared at the dark blood and tried to close off her other senses. She didn't want to think about the smell. The stale coppery smell that hung heavy in the air.

Megan just stared at the large puddle of blood. Megan almost reached her hand out to touch it. She was curious what it felt like after it had been there for hours. It looked a lot darker than she thought it would look. Not that she ever thought about what this would look like. It was just... different...

Megan's gaze raised slightly. "Janie, if I had known..." Megan paused. If she had known what?

Janie's head was turned to the side, as if she was looking at Megan. Megan laid on her side so her eyes were on the same level as Janie's. Megan wanted Janie to wake up. She wanted it to be like when they were little and having a sleepover. Megan just wanted to tell Janie to stop giving her that creepy lifeless look.

"Janie..." Megan said softly. "Janie..." Part of her thought that if she pleaded enough, she could pull Janie back from where ever she went. "Janie..."

Megan sighed and closed her eyes. When she opened her eyes, lifeless green eyes were staring back at her. "I love you, Janie." Megan said, tears filling her eyes. The lifeless green eyes didn't react. Not at all like the last time Megan saw them...

_"Janie!" Megan stood in the doorway and watched the bloody razor blade fall to the ground. "What are you doing?"  
Janie turned and looked at Megan with tear filled eyes. "You came back..." Janie said softly.  
"Of course I came back! I just went for a walk to clear my head." Megan stepped into the room and felt confused. "Besides, I had no where else to go. I don't know anyone else in Seattle." She said lightly but immediately regretted saying it when she saw the look on Janie's face. "Let's get you cleaned up." Megan reached for the first aid kit that was on the dresser.  
Janie sat on the floor and Megan sat in front of her. For a moment, it was just like they were in high school again. Megan paused what she was doing and looked at Janie. She really did blossom into a beautiful woman. Though, there was a sadness in Janie's eyes that shouldn't be present in any 18 year old's eyes. "You know, no one is worth doing this to yourself." Megan said, resuming the bandaging. That sentence wasn't quite relevant to the moment, it was just something she had said to Janie so many times in high school.  
"Not even you?" Janie asked. Megan smoothed out the piece of tape she just put on the bandage. When she looked up, her eyes locked with sparkling green eyes.  
"Me?" Megan asked meekly.  
"Yes. I love you, Megan. Since... well forever..." There was a rare smile on Janie's face. A small smile, but still a smile. Janie leaned forward. Megan felt Janie's lips press against hers. There was a small spark. A one sided spark, because Megan didn't feel anything, but the way Janie's mouth moved against hers, she could feel that this kiss meant the world to Janie.  
Megan closed her eyes and felt herself kissing back. Even if she wasn't attracted to Janie, she did love her enough to give her this one moment. When Megan felt Janie's hand brush against her breast, Megan wondered just how far she would go to make her best friend happy. Janie's hand cupped Megan's breast and Megan pulled away.  
"Janie... I'm sorry...I..." Megan struggled to find words. Her eyes desperately searching Janie's to try and figure out what Janie was thinking. Megan was torn between trying to please her friend and fear of what would happen if she didn't. If Megan going for a walk was enough to trigger Janie into cutting... what would this do?  
There was a small sparkle in Janie's eyes and she smiled. "For a straight girl, you kiss girls pretty well." Janie said lightly.  
Megan just stared at Janie, unsure of what to say.  
"I get it." Janie said softly.  
"I love you." Megan blurted out quickly.  
Janie's smiled sadly. "Yeah, just not in the way I need you to."_

"Megan..." A voice came from the doorway.

Megan sat up and wiped her eyes. She felt a little embarrassed because she wasn't sure how long she had been laying there. She turned toward the door and saw Drake leaning against the doorway with a somber expression on his face.

"How long have you been standing there?" Megan asked, wiping the back of her hand across her eyes.

Drake shrugged. "About ten minutes... I didn't want to disturb you..." He walked into the room, his eyes staying fixed on Janie's body. "Josh is on a plane. He should be here in a couple of hours."

"How'd you get here so quickly?"

Drake finally broke his gaze away from the body. His mouth twitched into the faintest smile. "Magic." Drake extended his hand toward Megan.

Megan rolled her eyes. "Yeah, right." She said with a small laugh, letting Drake help her up. The laugh, however small it was, seemed to bounce off the walls and land right next to Janie's body because that's where Drake's and Megan's looks landed.

"It's okay to laugh." Drake said in response to his sister's horrified expression. "I'm sorry..." Drake said when Megan didn't respond. "When I see you looking like that... my big brother extinct kicks in to try and make you laugh."

"Instinct." Megan corrected absently. She stepped away from Drake and took a step towards Janie's body.

"Megan... We really should go so they can..."

Megan bent down and reached for the object that was in Janie's hand. Janie's fingers were cold and stiff. The feel of them made Megan's skin crawl but she managed to pry the object out of Janie's death grip.

Megan turned the object in her hand. It was Janie's cell phone. Megan flipped it open, curiosity overwhelming her. She opened the latest dialed calls list.

"Megan?" Drake said when Megan started sobbing.

Megan, sobbing too hard to speak, just turned the phone toward Drake so he could see. The last call was made to a number titled 'my love' and when Megan had pressed the button to see the actual number, she was faced with a picture of herself and her cell phone number underneath it.


	10. I Woke Up In A Car

**A/N: Remember, the best adventures are spontaneous road trips. Tons of thanks to GatorGrrrl for all the feedback. Also, thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far. I really love knowing what you guys think. **

**Song: 'I Woke Up In A Car'- Something Corporate**

* * *

"You know what we should do?" Drake asked from where he was lazily laying on the couch.

"What's that?" Josh asked, looking up from his computer.

"We should totally go on a road trip or something. I need to do some soul searching and... it gets us out of here for the summer."

Josh chuckled as he went back to checking his e-mail. "If I remember correctly, one of us has made millions of dollars over the past couple years and can probably buy a whole neighborhood of mansions. Meanwhile, the other is living here to save money so he isn't completely crushed by debt when he goes to grad school."

Drake absently bounced a tennis ball off the wall. "I can't buy a whole neighborhood of mansions. Besides, staying here keeps me grounded. You wouldn't want me to become one of those egotistical rock stars, would you?"

"I suppose not," Josh responded lightly.

"Besides, why are you worried about money? I could probably buy your school if I wanted to."

"I appreciate the offer, but I like making it on my own. You wouldn't want me to become your spoiled, dependent brother. It'd all go to my head and I'd become some sort of celebutant."

Drake snorted. "Yeah, I can totally see that happening."

"You never know..." Josh said with a smile.

"So, how 'bout it? Road trip. You don't even have to think of it as charity. It's my graduation present for you."

"Sure, that sounds great," Josh said, closing his laptop.

Drake was so shocked by this reply that the tennis ball he'd thrown at the wall just bounced past his hand. Drake sat up and looked at Josh. "What?"

Josh picked up the abandoned tennis ball that came to a stop at his feet. "I said, 'Sure, that sounds great.'"

"You're just messing with me."

Josh smiled. "I'm not. I think it's a great idea. When do we leave?"

"You're really serious?" Drake asked, a look of disbelief still on his face.

"I'm really serious."

"Like, really, _really_ serious? We're going on a road trip?"

Josh chuckled. "I'm really, _really_ serious."

Drake jumped up. "Oh my God, this is going to be so awesome!! I wonder how many states we can hit before the summer's done." Drake paused. "Why are you going along with this?"

Josh shrugged. "Mindy's going to England for the summer, so why not? I'm allowed my adventure, too."

"You're really serious?" Drake asked again.

"I'll go by myself if you ask me that one more time." Josh said, trying his hardest to keep a straight face.

"What about everything you said about planning things and thinking things through?"

"I'm not sure if I should be amused or scared that you assume what Mindy says is exactly how I think," Josh replied.

"What do you mean?" Drake looked confused.

"I guess you haven't noticed that I'm not the same person I was when I first moved into this room. I'm a lot more spontaneous now. So, let's go have an adventure and see where the open road takes us"  
--

"Sunblock...check. Flashlights...check. Batteries...check..." Josh stood in front of the open trunk of the car while he checked off his list.

Drake walked by, dumping a pile of clothes into the neatly organized trunk.

"Can't you see I'm doing something here?" Josh asked.

Drake turned and looked at Josh and then at the mess of stuff he just put down. "So am I! I'm packing."

"No." Josh picked up the clothes and tossed them in the back seat. "You're messing with my system. Don't you have a bag to put these in?"

"Yeah, I'm off to find one now."

"We should stop and buy laundry detergent," Josh said, adding it to his list.

"What happened to Spontaneous Josh?"

Josh rolled his eyes. "One of us has to act a little responsible. If I leave you in charge of everything, we'll have no money and run out of gas before we even get out of San Diego."

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever. As long as that's the only thing you're responsible with. The rest is up to chance," Drake said, walking away.  
--

"Why do you look like you're studying for a test?" Drake asked, leaning over the table to look at the map that was in front of Josh.

"Sorry. It's a little weird not having a plan," Josh said, carefully rolling the map again.

"What state are we in?"

"Nebraska." Josh took a bite of his sandwich before looking at Drake again. "Why are we on this trip?"

Drake shrugged. "I thought it would be fun. Why?"

"I don't know. You seem a little quieter than usual. I thought maybe something was bothering you."

Drake was quiet for a moment before responding. "I don't know. Some things happened on the last tour... I just need a break."

"What happened?" Josh asked, looking concerned. "Did you get some girl pregnant?"

"Why would your mind immediately jump to that?" Drake asked, sounding angry.

"Sorry. It sort of slipped out. I didn't mean..." Josh started rambling.

Drake sighed and waved his hand for Josh to stop. "No, I'm sorry. I know I've been sleeping around too much. That's actually why I needed a break. I had an STD scare because Lars..."

"Lars?" Josh interrupted. "Your drummer? No wonder, that guy looks like he's a walking STD." Josh looked confused. "Wait, are you saying...?"

"Can you wait for me to finish?!" Drake exclaimed, giving Josh a look. "It's because Lars slept with one of the _girls_ that I'd been sleeping with. Lars gave Tiffany syphilis. I didn't know she was sleeping with him and she told me she had syphilis and..." Drake let the sentence trail off with a vague gesture of his hand.

"Oh," Josh said, unsure of how else to respond.

"I guess I realized the type of person I don't want to be"

--  
Drake walked around while he ate his ice cream cone. He didn't really have a plan, he was just killing time until Josh finished looking around the museum.

Despite the heat, there were still people rollerblading and jogging in the park. Drake was going to find a shady place to sit when something blue caught the corner of his eye. He turned to see a woman sitting on a bench. It looked like she was drawing something. Drake couldn't see her face; her blue-streaked hair was acting like a veil.

Feeling curious, Drake made his way over to the woman. He glanced at the paintings laid out on the ground in front of her. "How much?" he asked.

"Depends on which one..." the woman started to respond. She looked up and her eyes lit up. "Drake! What are you doing here?"

"Josh is in some museum and I was just wandering around."

"How'd you know it was me?"

"Well, I saw a blue-haired girl alone in the park surrounded by art. I thought, must be Angela," Drake said lightly.

Angela smiled. "I'm sure there are thousands of girls in this city with blue streaks. Also, I'm not alone." Angela looked to the ground on her right.

Drake followed her gaze. Sure enough, there was a blonde little girl sitting on a blanket and colouring furiously on a piece of paper. She looked so focus. Drake wondered why he didn't notice her before. "Is she yours?"

"Yup. She's mine," Angela said, lovingly stroking the toddler's head.

The toddler stopped colouring and looked up at Drake. "Is she mine?" Drake asked softly.

Angela laughed. "No, of course not! What made you ask that?"

Drake frowned. "I don't know... We've been..."

"Sorry. I didn't mean to laugh at you." She patted the bench next to her so Drake would sit. She took Drake's hand. "I would have called you if you were the father."

"Is this why I didn't see you on my last tour?"

Angela glanced at her daughter. "I can't exactly make superhero-like entrances with a baby in tow. Besides, you have lots of groupies. I'm expendable."

Drake squeezed Angela's hand gently. "You were my first groupie after my first big show. I could never replace you. Besides, I've given up groupie sex for Lent."

"It's July," Angela commented lightly.

"And?"

"Lent is in the spring. It's that time before Easter."

"Oh." Drake sighed.

"Cheer up. You can buy me and the rug rat some ice cream. Then, you can tell me what's been bothering you"

--  
"Poughkeepsie. Poughkeepsie. Pough...keepsie."

"Can you stop that? We're in Poughkeepsie. I get it!" Josh exclaimed.

"Poughkeepsie. Poughkeepsie. Poughkeepsie?"

"Drake..."

"It's just so weird to say. Pough...keep...sie... Poughkeepsie."

"You say that about every other town you see a sign for. Wappingers Falls..."

Drake giggled. "Wappingers... Wap...pingers."

Josh rolled his eyes. "You're so childish."

"Poughkeepsie!"

--  
"Drake... Where did my money go?" Josh looked at his empty wallet.

"Ummm... I wanted candy from the vending machine and my money was all crumpled..."

Josh held out his hand for Drake to stop talking. "I don't care. I'll just use my credit card." Josh looked for his credit card while Drake used mustard to make a picture on his plate. "Where is my credit card?"

"Umm..." Drake refused to look up. "I was watching this infomercial last night and I guess I forgot to put it back."

Josh sighed. "Why didn't you use your credit card?"

"I couldn't find it and I really, really wanted..."

Josh waved his hand again. "Don't care. You're telling me all our money is at the hotel? What are we supposed to do about this bill?" Josh waved the paper in Drake's face for emphasis.

"I have an idea," Drake said, getting up.

"He's going to leave me here," Josh muttered to himself. To Josh's surprise, Drake returned with his guitar. "Are you going to trade your guitar for lunch?"

"Don't be stupid. I'm going to earn some money." Drake brought over a stool from the counter.

"He lets us go to the diner without money, but _I'm_ being stupid..." Josh muttered.

Again, Josh was surprised because Drake's plan worked. The other people came over with loose change and after three songs there was enough money to cover the bill.

"Hey, I have eight cents left!" Drake said cheerfully as they made their way back to the car.

--  
"I mean, if Angela can settle down some, that means I should be able to. She's so much more... adventurous than I am," Drake said.

"What do you mean by adventurous?"

"Well, the first time we had sex it was..."

"Never mind. I don't want to know," Josh quickly said.

"Come on, you and Mindy never had sex in weird places?" Drake smiled. Josh focused more on driving and his ears were turning red. "Tell me!"

"No. I'm not telling."

"I'll tell you the weirdest place I've done it."

"I don't want to know the weirdest place you've done it," Josh said.

Drake crossed his arms. "Fine. Be like that."

Josh smiled and glanced at Drake. "Fine. I'll give you three chances to guess... It rhymes with Boo."  
--

Josh woke up with the sun shining in his face. He was lying in the backseat. He reached up to open the door stretching his arms over his head and yawning. From his position, he could see a perfect blue sky without a cloud in sight.

Sitting up, he looked in the front seat at Drake. Then he looked out the windshield and poked Drake hard in the side.

"Gah! What?" Drake shrieked.

"Why are we sleeping in the car when that sign says, 'Motel Next Exit'?"

Drake rubbed his eyes and looked at the sign. "I guess I didn't see it there."

Josh looked at the exit number. It was only two exits past the point that he fell asleep. "How far did you drive before pulling over?"

Drake shrugged. "I don't know. An exit or two."

Josh sighed and got out of the car. "I'm not letting you drive anymore"

--  
"Did you get me anything?" Megan asked before the boys even got out of the car.

"Yes, nice to see you, too," Josh said.

"We did have fun on our trip. Thanks for asking," Drake said.

Megan rolled her eyes. "You guys have been gone for three months. I better have lots of presents."

"Oh, we got you presents," Josh said.

"Except we forgot where they are," Drake said.

"We're really tired. So, we're going to take a nap."

"So, if you want them, I guess you're going to have to unpack the car."


	11. Jude Law And A Semester Abroad

**A/N: This takes place before the previous chapter, 'I Woke Up In A Car.' Within a week of the start of that chapter.**

**A/N 2: The song they quote in the story is the song I used for inspiration for this chapter. **

**Song: 'Jude Law And A Semester Abroad'- Brand New**

* * *

Josh sighed as he poked at his increasingly soggy cereal.

"Are you going to be like this all summer?" Megan asked, sounding annoyed.

"Like what?"

"Like _this_." Megan gestured to him. "All mopey and sad and crying in your cereal every morning!"

"I'm not crying in my cereal. I'm just not very hungry."

Josh got up to dispose of his cereal as Drake came bounding into the kitchen. "Is Josh still mopey?" he asked Megan.

"I can hear you," Josh said.

"Yeah, so?" Drake replied. He turned to Megan.

"He said he's not," Megan said.

Drake snorted. "Yeah, right. Last night he just kept that song on repeat. He's sad and mopey."

"I'm standing right here," Josh said, becoming annoyed.

"_Whatever poison's in this bottle will leave me broken, sore and stiff. But it's the genie at the bottom who I'm sucking at. He owes me one last wish_," Megan sang.

Drake joined in. "_So here's a present to let you know I still exist. I hope the next boy that you kiss has something terribly contagious on his lips_."

"You guys are the worst siblings ever," Josh said, walking out of the kitchen.

"Josh, come on. You need to lighten up," Drake said.

They followed Josh upstairs and found him lying on his bed. "Josh, we're just worried about you. We're not used to seeing you sad for this long," Megan said.

"It hasn't been that long," Josh said. "Also, I'm allowed to feel sad. It's an emotion I have every right to feel."

"Dude, she's only going to be gone for the summer. Did you guys break up or something?" Drake asked.

"I don't know. She said that maybe we should just see what happens. It wasn't a definite breakup. She made it sound like she's using this trip as some sort of test. To see if she's really committed to me or something."

"Then use this summer to party. How do you know you're that committed to her?"

Josh glared at Drake. "I just do."

Drake opened his mouth to say something else but Megan elbowed him. "Ow! Harsh," he complained, rubbing his sore side.

"Josh, she's not worth it if she's going to put you through this," Megan said.

Josh sighed. "Every relationship has its problems. We're getting older and I guess she feels like this is her last chance to see what's out there. I can't blame her for that."

Drake and Megan both looked ready to say something but Josh held up his hand. "Guys, just stop. I appreciate that you care, but I just want to be alone right now."

"Fine, wanna see a movie?" Drake asked Megan.

"I can't. I told Janie I'd go with her to get the rest of her stuff from her mom's place."

Drake sighed as he walked out of the room. Megan paused in the doorway. "You know, just because she wants to go exploring other places, it doesn't mean you can't remind her of what she's missing."

"Thanks," Josh said.

Megan shrugged. "Anything to get you to stop playing that song. I feel like I'm never going to get it out of my head now."

--  
A knock on the window made Josh jump. He looked over and saw Mindy standing outside the car. Josh unlocked the door and Mindy got in.

"Hey," Josh said.

Mindy closed the door. "Were you planning on just sitting here all night, or were you planning on talking to me?"

Josh shrugged. "I'm not sure. There are things I want to say, but I... I don't know."

"Josh, nothing you say will stop me from going."

"I don't want to stop you from going. I think you should go."

Mindy looked surprised. "Really? I thought you were mad that I was going."

"No. I don't mind that you're going. I'm just scared that you'll forget about me. I'm just scared of losing you."

"No matter what happens, I could never forget about you."

" 'No matter what happens'?" Josh asked.

Mindy sighed. "I told you. I don't want to make promises that I might not be able to keep."

Josh felt angry. Why couldn't she just promise she wouldn't sleep with anyone while she's away? Maybe she didn't love him. Josh sighed. He held the steering wheel and stared forward, unable to look at Mindy.

"You're mad," Mindy said.

"I'm scared and confused. I'm not mad."

"You don't have to wait for me. You could..." Mindy stopped when Josh glared at her. "I'm sorry. I have to finish packing. My flight's early tomorrow."

"Wait," Josh said as Mindy reached to open the door.

"Josh, I can't..." She was cut off by a passionate kiss from Josh.

"_So tell all the English boys you meet, about the American boy back in the states. The American boy you used to date. Who would do anything you say_," Josh sang when he pulled away.

Mindy laughed. "You're making this hard for me."

"I don't mean to. Well, I kinda do," Josh admitted. "Just remember that I love you, okay?"

Mindy nodded. She got out of the car before looking at Josh. "It's not that I don't love you. I just..."

"I know."

"Don't spend the whole summer waiting for me, okay? Take your own adventure."

"Okay."

"I'll call you when I get settled," Mindy said before closing the door.

Josh waited until Mindy got in the house before he started the car. He felt better than he had all week as he listened to the song playing. If he found something to keep him busy all summer, the time would just fly by. If Mindy could have an adventure, then so could he.

Josh started to sing along as he drove home. _"The American boy you used to date, who would do anything you say..."_


	12. Keep Myself Awake

**Song: 'Keep Myself Awake'- Black Lab**

* * *

Megan woke up with a start. It took her a few minutes to calm down and to realize she was alone. She turned on every light as she got up to investigate the rest of the apartment. She checked under the bed, in the closets. She checked all the windows and made sure the curtains were closed.

She wasn't sure what she was trying to protect herself from, but she couldn't shake the feeling that she had to hide.

That's how the whole year had been. Megan had to move out of the dorms shortly after school started. She just couldn't stand being around people anymore. It wasn't so bad when she was awake, but she hated the way her roommate came in at all hours when she was trying to sleep. She just couldn't stand things happening that she wasn't aware of. She found a small apartment- a place where she could close herself off from the world and feel in control. She knew everything that happened in her apartment.

Though as spring approached and the nights got warmer, Megan couldn't help but feel out of control. At night, lifeless green eyes haunted her sleep. More often than not, she woke up with her face covered with tears.

--  
Megan was exhausted. The dreams had gotten worse and she knew she really should talk to someone about it; maybe even a therapist.

Megan put her backpack on her shoulder and gripped her coffee cup, thankful the semester was nearly over. It was getting harder for her to stay awake for these lectures.

"Megan? Can I talk to you for a moment, please?" Dr. Marsh asked.

Megan sighed before turning to look at the professor. She smiled politely. "Yes?"

Dr. Marsh was one of the younger professors. She had a warm, friendly smile and a way of putting her students at ease. She was the type of person Megan would confide in if she could just will herself to talk about things.

Students from the next class started trickling into the room. "Let's go to my office," Dr. Marsh said.

Megan gripped her coffee cup and followed the professor down the hallway.

"Did I do something wrong?" Megan asked when Dr. Marsh closed the door.

Dr. Marsh laughed lightly. "No, no. It's nothing like that." She gestured to a chair. "Why don't you have a seat?"

Megan sat and looked around the office. It was cluttered with books and magazines and students' papers.

The professor sat at the other side of the desk, looking like she was trying to think of what to say. "You've seemed distracted during class lately. I was wondering if everything's okay," she finally said.

Megan was stunned. She knew she probably looked like a wreck, but she hadn't expected anyone, much less a professor, to ask her about it.

Dr. Marsh looked concerned at Megan's silence. "There might be some fresh coffee in the lounge." She pointed to Megan's coffee cup. "I could get you some, if you want."

Megan looked down. She hadn't realized how tightly she was gripping the cup and felt embarrassed at how white her knuckles looked. She nodded and held her out her cup.

Dr. Marsh got up and took the cup. "Do you want any milk or sugar?"

Megan shook her head. "Black, please," she answered, nervously tapping her fingers against the desk until her beloved coffee cup was back in her hands. "Thank you," she said before taking a sip. She noticed the professor watching her and gave an awkward smile and a vague hand gesture. "Finals," she said, as if that would explain her odd behaviour.

Dr. Marsh smiled. "Yeah, we go through more coffee around here during finals than any other time. It's lucky I get any sleep at all. I have students calling me at all hours asking questions about things we went over at the beginning of the semester."

"Do you really get that many frantic phone calls? You're tests aren't that hard." Megan flushed a little, realizing that may not have been the smartest thing to say. "I mean, you always explain the material clearly enough that..."

Dr. Marsh chuckled, not offended by the comment. "You'd be surprised how many kids skip class most of the semester and then camp out in my office during finals week in hopes of getting a passing grade."

"I like your class. The classes always seem to fly by. Unlike my math class."

"Well, now that we've determined that my class isn't your problem, do you want to talk about what is? I don't mean to pry, it's just that you're one of my brightest students. I would hate for you to explode from the stress of finals week."

Megan took a long sip of her coffee, unable to come up with a response.

"There's been a couple of times in class when you look like you're ready to say something but then you get that distracted look. Sometimes even when a student understands the material, it's still a sensitive subject for them."

"That lecture was hard on a lot of people. The suicide lecture." Megan's hands started shaking as she realized her mistake. Dr. Marsh hadn't mentioned a specific lecture. Megan stood up. "I have to... um... go. Now."

Dr. Marsh looked concerned. She scribbled something down on a piece of paper and handed it to Megan. "That's my cell phone number. You can call me anytime, even if it's not about my class."

"I'm not going to..." Megan didn't want to finish the sentence in case she was wrong about what the professor was thinking.

Dr. Marsh smiled kindly. "I didn't think you would. I just had a feeling you need to talk about something, and I wanted to let you know you can talk to me if you need to."

Megan felt bad. Her favourite professor was kind enough to reach out to her and she was acting completely spastic. She nodded, unable to will herself to speak.

--  
The answering machine light kept blinking. Megan preferred the answering machine to having voicemail since it eliminated the step of having to call to get her messages. Though, all week the little light had been blinking and it was starting to get annoying.

After pacing the living room for an hour, debating whether or not to listen to messages, the phone rang. The sudden noise scared Megan so much, she spilled half her coffee on the floor. She cleaned up the mess as she waited for the answering machine to pick up.

When the machine finally picked up, there was a sigh over the speaker, followed by a click. The phone started ringing again.

Megan cautiously picked up the phone. "Hello?"

"Where have you been?" a voice yelled. "Do you know how worried you're making everyone?"

Megan pulled the phone away from her ear. "Lily! Stop yelling! What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about the fact that no one has been able to get a hold of you for two weeks!"

Megan cringed. She hadn't realized it had been that long. "I'm sorry. I couldn't."

"You couldn't? Poor CJ is a wreck! I had to talk him out of driving all the way to New York. He was ready to search that whole city if he had to."

"I just can't talk right now." Megan closed her eyes against the headache that was forming.

Lily chuckled mirthlessly. "You're something else, Megan. They call _me_ the antisocial one but at least I answer my phone once in a while to let people know I'm alive."

"Fuck off, Lily."

"I'm sorry, Megan. I didn't mean to say that..."

"Whatever," Megan muttered.

"Look, I know I wasn't there and I can't imagine what it was like seeing..." Lily sighed. "Just talk to CJ, okay?"

"I can't... Not right now."

"I don't want to argue. I'm just going to say that you should do it sooner rather than later."

"Fine. Look, I have to go," Megan lied.

"Okay. Just answer your phone every couple days or so. Just so we don't have to worry."

"I'll try."

Megan hung up the phone and glared at the answering machine. She hit the play button and got through half the worried messages before she deleted them all. She decided to change the outgoing message.

"Hello. Megan is not answering the phone right now. You can try contacting her when she's back home in California at the end of the month. Until then, don't expect her to call you back."  
--

"You look like hell," Drake said when Megan let him into the apartment.

Megan was going to respond with one of her smartass comments but sighed instead. "I haven't slept in four days," she admitted softly.

Drake looked worried. "What's wrong?"

"Finals and..." Megan waved her hand vaguely. "I just can't sleep."

"You can't or you don't want to?"

Megan went into the kitchen and poured another cup of coffee.

"You're going to make yourself sick if you keep drinking that stuff," Drake said.

"I'm not drinking that much."

"You're shaking." Drake pointed to Megan's hands.

Megan pressed her hands against the counter. She wanted to somehow convince Drake she was fine, but couldn't find the words.

"Why don't you try to sleep some?"

Megan shook her head without looking at Drake.

"I'll hang out and watch some TV or something. I'll be here if you need me."

"I can't. I don't want to." Megan's voice wavered.

Drake picked Megan up. "You're going to bed, right now."

"Stop. I can take care of myself."

Drake dropped her on the bed. "Mom is worried sick because you won't answer your phone. I promised her I would make sure that you're okay. I can't report back to her because you're not okay. You need to sleep for a couple hours."

"If I go to sleep, will you leave me alone until finals are over?"

"When's your last final?"

"Tuesday morning. I'm driving home on Wednesday."

"If you sleep, I'll leave you alone until Tuesday, but you're not driving home."

Megan opened her mouth to protest.

"I don't care," Drake said before Megan could argue. "I'll get us a plane ride home Tuesday night. I'll hire someone to get your stuff home."

Megan laughed a little. "Since when did you turn into the responsible sibling?"

"Well, if you and Josh didn't do stupid things, I wouldn't have to be the voice of reason."

Megan yawned as she pulled the blanket over her. "Josh isn't stupid. He's in love."

"Love makes people stupid."

"So you must be in love all the time," Megan joked as she closed her eyes.

Drake laughed. "See, your wit is coming back to you already. I'll see you in a couple hours"

--  
Megan didn't sleep long before green eyes started to fill her dreams. She did sleep long enough to convince Drake to leave her alone for a couple days.

She watched her hand tremble as she tried to write. She knew she would be okay as long as she got through this test. She quickly scribbled down answers, grateful the professor was lazy and would probably give everyone at least a B so he wouldn't have to actually grade the tests.

Megan handed in the test, but instead of going back to her apartment, she made her way to Dr. Marsh's office.

"Hello, Megan," Dr. Marsh said when Megan entered. "I haven't graded the tests yet if that's what you're looking for."

"No." Megan suddenly felt awkward. "I just had my last test. I'm going home tonight."

"I'm surprised you're still hanging around. Most students can't get out of here quick enough after their last final."

"I just wanted to thank you. I really enjoyed your class this semester."

Dr. Marsh smiled. "I'm glad. Are you going to take my art therapy class next semester?"

Megan nodded. "And your abnormal psych class."

"You know, in the Fall I'm going to need help with one of my research projects. I could always use the extra help if you're interested."

"Sure, that sounds great."

"I'll send you some articles to read over the summer so you can be prepared."

"Great. Thanks." Megan glanced towards the door. "I guess I should get going."

"That lecture is hard for me, too," Dr. Marsh said as Megan reached for the doorknob. "It was my cousin. I was pretty close to her."

Megan let her hand fall to her side. "My best friend." Her eyes filled with tears. She turned around and sat down. "It was around this time last year."

Dr. Marsh looked sympathetic. "I'm sorry."

A few tears dropped on Megan's cheeks. "I haven't talked about it since. I was okay until about a month ago. I started dreaming about her and... I'm terrified every time the phone rings in case it's some horrible news again. I haven't slept in days..." Megan started sobbing.

Dr. Marsh came around the desk and sat next to her, gently rubbing her back.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..."

"Shhh. It's okay. It looks like you need to cry about it," Dr. Marsh said kindly. "I think you need to talk about it."

Megan nodded and took a deep breath to try and gain control. "The semester just ended and I was driving up to Seattle to see her"

--  
"You look great," Audrey said, hugging Megan.

"She should. She slept the whole plane ride," Drake complained.

"Drake's mad because there was no one to entertain him," Megan said.

"I was bored and I couldn't sleep."

Audrey laughed. "Stop arguing and go take your bags upstairs."

Megan went up to her room. She pulled her cell phone out of her bag and turned it on for the first time all month. There were a ton of messages but she ignored them. There was something she had to do first.

"Hello?"

"Hey, CJ. It's me..."


	13. Let Go

**Song: 'Let Go'- Frou Frou**

**Note: Boys Likes Girls also did a cover of this song that's worth mentioning. Both versions helped inspire this chapter.**

* * *

Josh was walking around the mall looking for a welcome home gift for Mindy. He couldn't find anything he liked. He finally wandered into a jewelery store. He hadn't planned on spending too much money, but he didn't have any better ideas.

"Hello, my name is Jess. Can I help you with something?" The girl behind the counter asked.

"I'm trying to find something for my girlfriend."

"What's the occasion?"

"She's been in England for three months. She's coming home tomorrow and I was hoping to get her something special."

Jess smiled. "That's so sweet. How long have you two been together?"

"Since high school; almost five years." Josh smiled, thinking about how great those years have been.

"Aww. Let's see if we can find you something. Did you have something in mind?"

Josh shook his head.

"Let's start with the basics. Does she prefer silver or gold?"

"Gold, I think."

Jess nodded and walked to the other end of the counter. "I think you should go with either a necklace or a bracelet. Boys seem to have an easier time picking out necklaces for some reason."

"Sounds good." Josh started to walk towards where Jess was standing but something caught his eye. Josh looked into the case. "What about a ring?"

Jess came over. "I don't know. If she sees the ring box, she might think you're trying to propose. She could be disappointed if you're not."

Josh looked down at the rings. There was a gold ring with a single diamond in it, a simple but classic-looking engagement ring. He wondered what it would be like to slip a ring like that on Mindy's finger. Would she say 'yes'?

"Say I _was_ going to propose. What do you think of that ring?" He pointed to the ring.

"I'd say your girlfriend is very lucky."

--  
Josh couldn't stop pacing. Being spontaneous was alright driving across the country with Drake, but was it the best thing to do now that he was back home? He didn't even know all the details of Mindy's trip. She sounded pretty serious when she was on the phone earlier. Maybe something was wrong. Maybe she found someone else. Maybe she would say 'no'.

"Dude, why are you freaking out? She's just a girl. It's no big deal," Drake said.

"Sorry," Josh said. He put his hand in his pocket to check for the ring. If only Drake knew what he was planning, maybe he would understand why he was so nervous.

--  
When Josh saw Mindy, it was like falling in love all over again. That's when he knew that he was right. She was the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

"Are you okay? You're kinda quiet," Josh said as they drove to the restaurant.

"I'm fine."

"I thought you would be talking my ear off about your trip." Josh was worried when she didn't respond. "You're probably tired. We can do this another time if you want."

Again, she didn't respond. When he glanced over, she was wiping tears off her face. "What's wrong?" he asked, stopping the car at the side of the road.

"Nothing. I'm fine."

"You're crying. I'm sorry I dragged you out. I just wanted to do something special."

His comment made Mindy cry harder. "You're so sweet. It's me. It's all my fault."

"What's your fault?"

"I never should have gone on that trip. I missed you so much."

"Is that it? I missed you, too. Everything's fine because you're here now."

"Everything doesn't feel fine."

"It's your first day back. You're probably just jet lagged."

Mindy wiped her tears. "Why do you love me?"

Josh smiled. "Because you're the smartest, most beautiful girl I have ever known." This wasn't exactly the scene he had in mind when he bought the ring, but it was as good a time as any. He took the ring out of his pocket. "Because I feel whole when I'm with you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Marry me?"

"Oh, Josh..." Mindy started crying again. "How could you do this to me?"

Josh was confused. "Do what? I just..."

"I'm pregnant!"

"What?" After a moment of stunned silence, he smiled. "Why are you crying? Shouldn't you be happy? I know it's a little sooner than we thought but..." The look on Mindy's face stopped him. Her mouth was open as if she was going to speak.

"Josh..."

The tone of her voice broke his heart; what it implied shattered it. Josh formed his words carefully, trying to keep his emotions in check. He had to be mistaken. She would never... "It is mine, isn't it?"

Mindy answered with a loud sob. "I don't know."

Josh was wrong. _Now_ his heart was shattered. "When? Who? What?" So many questions were coming to mind but he couldn't form them all.

"It was just after I left. I was lonely and I missed you..."

"So you slept with another guy?" Josh asked sharply.

Mindy sobbed again. "I'm so sorry! I love you! I don't know what happened. I know I spent the rest of the trip regretting it and missing you. I almost had a... I couldn't. It's part of me." She stopped and took a deep breath. "All I could think is, 'what if it _is _Josh's?' I thought maybe I could just not tell you. That everything would be okay. You were just being so sweet and you don't deserve this. Then, you had the ring and..." The sobbing resumed.

"I'm glad you told me."

"You are?"

Josh nodded. "I wish it hadn't happened, but I'm glad you told me."

"So..."

Josh couldn't help but notice this was the first time Mindy ever looked unsure of herself. He shrugged. "I don't know. Do you even love me? Did you ever love me?"

"Yes and yes! Of course I love you!"

Josh had to bite back the comment that came to mind. He didn't want to make her cry any worse than she was. "Well, I love you, too. I can't just stop loving you."

They sat in silence as Mindy composed herself. "I would have said yes," she finally said.

Josh couldn't help but smile a little. "That's something, I guess."

"What do we do now?"

"I don't know." Josh took Mindy's hand. "It might be mine?"

Mindy nodded. "In England, it was only the one time and..."

"I don't want to know."

"Sorry."

"I guess... I guess we just have to wait and see."

"To see if it's yours?"

"To see if I can ever look at you and not feel shattered." Josh sighed. "I'm not saying that to hurt you. I just... I don't know what to do. I love you, but I feel so..."

"I never meant to hurt you."

Josh let go of Mindy's hand and started the car again.

"I have a doctor's appointment on Monday," Mindy said once they got to her house. "I'm not sure if you... God, this sounds so stupid. I don't expect you to do anything. I just wanted to give you the chance in case..."

"Call me Monday. I'll think about it."

"Really?"

Josh shrugged. "If there's any chance it's... Well, I wouldn't want to miss it. I still need to think about it, though."

"Okay." Mindy got out of the car. "I'll call you on Monday."


	14. Mistakes We Knew We Were Making

**A/N: I definitely have to thank GatorGrrrl for the help on this chapter. Not only is she a great beta but she was kind enough to write the end of this chapter when I was at a complete loss. **

**Song: 'Mistakes We Knew We Were Making'- Straylight Run**

* * *

Drake laid on the bed panting, his body covered in sweat.

"Are you okay?" the girl next to him asked.

Drake nodded dumbly, trying to remember her name. Tina? Tiffany? He glanced around the room and saw a jewelry box with the name 'Tanya' painted on it.

"You look a little freaked out," Tanya said.

"No," Drake said, working on keeping his voice calm. "I'm fine."

"It's okay, you know? I was a little freaked out after my first time, too."

"It wasn't..." Drake was going to deny it but he realized how useless it would have been. Tanya leaned back against the pillows and pulled the blanket up to cover her chest. Drake stared for a moment. The blanket was a pale pink that almost matched the fading blush on Tanya's face. She suddenly looked so young and Drake's stomach turned.

"I won't tell anyone," Tanya said. "I mean, you can tell people we slept together, but I won't tell that it was your first time."

"Thanks," Drake said, unsure of how else to respond.

Tanya shrugged. "No problem. I wouldn't have known if it wasn't for the fact that you look like a deer caught in headlights right now."

Drake sat up. He was suddenly aware of his lack of clothing and checked the blanket to make sure he was covered. He wanted to say something to show he wasn't like a scared deer, except that's exactly how he felt. He looked at Tanya, wondering what he should do next.

"You don't have to stick around for my sake," Tanya said, a hint of bitterness in her tone.

"I didn't want to run out."

Tanya's mouth twitched a little, like she was trying to smile and couldn't. "I'm not offended. Like I said, I freaked out my first time, too."

Drake frowned. She made it sound like her first time was a hundred years and a thousand guys ago. Something about her eyes made him think that even though she was more experienced, she wasn't quite ready for it, either.

"Just because we've crossed this line, it doesn't mean that things have to change." Drake wasn't quite sure what he meant, just that it sounded deep.

Tanya smiled sadly. "Yes, it does. It's part of growing up and we can't go back."

When Drake got dressed, he looked around the room trying to gain some insight on this girl he barely knew. It looked like a teenager's room, a girl's version of his own room- littered with childhood memories while trying to maintain a sense of adult independence.

When Drake turned, Tanya was fully dressed and standing by the door. "My parents are going to be home soon," she said.

Drake nodded, understanding that was his cue to leave. He paused at the door and looked at Tanya. He wasn't sure if he should kiss her goodbye. The air between them seemed to whisper, _'this was a mistake.'_

"Thanks," Drake said. "It was fun."

They both chuckled awkwardly at how lame that sounded. Drake stepped out of the room and turned to look at Tanya again. "I'm not going to tell anyone. I might tell my brother, but he can keep a secret. I mean, I won't tell everyone at school. I don't mind keeping this between us."

Tanya smiled her first real smile since they got to her room. "Thanks," she said. "I guess I'll see you at school."

--  
Drake was halfway home when he realized he just couldn't go there. How could he face his mom after...? Would she know? Would she be able to take one look at him and realize he wasn't her little boy anymore?

Drake's heart sank. He didn't think it would feel like this. The sex had been good, great, better than he thought it would be. He had heard stories from his friends of awkward first times, but he followed Tanya's lead which helped reduce the awkward moments.

It wasn't the sex that was bothering Drake so much. He hadn't expected all of these emotions that went along with it. His mom constantly reminded him of how young he is, but this was the first time since he was five that he felt too young for something. Drake felt like he had crossed a line. Tanya was right; they couldn't go back.

It had started innocently enough. They were watching TV and started kissing. Somehow they ended up in her room and shortly after that clothes started disappearing and a condom appeared. Drake hadn't planned it. He had never planned on waiting until marriage, but thinking about it, he never thought it would happen on a first date. He thought he would at least be in a relationship when this happened.

Before Drake realized he had changed directions, he was at the movie theater.  
--

When Drake got home, he went in the kitchen and hugged his mom.

"What's wrong?" Audrey asked, stroking Drake's hair.

Drake blinked back tears that unexpectedly stung his eyes. "Nothing," he mumbled against her shoulder.

Audrey looked at Josh who had come in behind Drake. Josh shrugged. "He hasn't told me anything."

Drake breathed in deeply, trying to commit the scent of his mom's shampoo to memory before pulling away. "I'm fine. I just wanted to hug my mom."

"Are you sure?" Audrey didn't look convinced.

Drake nodded. "I'm sure."

Audrey smiled and touched Drake's cheek. "That's fine with me. You're always going to be my little boy and you can give me a hug whenever you want."

That statement caused Drake to throw his arms around his mom again.

Audrey laughed and patted Drake's back. "You are a little stronger than you were at five, though. Remember, Mommy has to breathe."

Drake chuckled and discreetly wiped his eyes as he loosened his grip. "Sorry. I love you, Mom."

"I love you, too," Audrey said. "I love you both very much." She pulled Josh in for a hug after she stepped away from Drake. She went to the table and handed the package that had been sitting there to Josh. "This came for you today."

Josh excitedly tore the package open. "Grammy sent me a new video game! Who feels like playing?"

Drake smiled at Josh's excitement, grateful for the distraction. "I do."

"Really?"

"Yeah." Drake moved to the door before saying, "I'll race you upstairs."

A few seconds later, Drake burst through the door of their bedroom, Josh right on his heels. As Drake jumped easily over the back of the couch, settling into the cushions and reaching for his "lucky" controller, Josh busied himself with removing the game cartridge from the package and inserting it into the GameSphere.

As he crouched in front of the television, Josh asked casually, "So, how was your date?"

Drake froze at the question, gripping the controller tightly in his fingers. The awkwardness of his last few moments with Tanya came flooding back. "Well…" he stammered.

Josh, finished with his task, stood and walked to the couch, slumping down next to Drake. He looked over at him, the hint of a smile on his lips. "That good, huh?"

Drake met his eyes and hoped Josh couldn't read his thoughts. He wanted to tell him about Tanya, but at the same time he didn't. He was still a little freaked out and didn't know, as usual, how to put his thoughts into the proper words. Instead, he shrugged. "How 'bout I tell you _after_ I kick your butt?" he asked, smiling a little.

Josh's smile slowly curved into an all-out grin. "You're on," he said, reaching for the other controller.


	15. The Night The Lights Went Out In NYC

**Song****: 'The Night The Lights Went Out In NYC' -The Ataris**

* * *

"Thanks," Megan said when CJ handed her a beer. "I feel a little bad that this happened when you're visiting."

"It's not your fault," CJ replied, plopping down next to her. "It's kinda nice."

It was the third day of an abnormal early June heat wave. Despite the sun setting an hour earlier, the air still hung thick and sticky around them. They were on the roof, trying to escape the sweltering apartment, when the power went out.

Megan looked up. "I never thought I'd be able to see the stars from here."

CJ looked up as well. "I don't think I could live where I couldn't see the stars every night."

Megan didn't mind not seeing the stars. Whenever she saw them, she was filled with an emotion she couldn't quite explain. She just felt so small, but she didn't feel insignificant. It just made her realize there was so much in the universe she didn't understand and it left her with a slightly uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach.

"Did Lily tell you she's pregnant?" CJ asked a couple of minutes later.

Megan nodded as she sipped her beer. "Yeah, she was so excited I think she was still in the drug store bathroom when she called me."

"Is it considered stealing if you use the product in the store?" CJ asked, an amused tone to his voice.

"She purposely damaged the product which is bad, but she paid for it afterwards." Megan laughed. "They banned her from the pregnancy test section."

"But not the whole store? Are they going to have someone guard that section when she comes in?"

"What if a midget asks him for help getting shaving cream off the top shelf? Will he have to respond, 'Sorry, I have to guard this six foot section'?" Megan retorted, smiling.

CJ almost choked on his beer. "A midget asking for shaving cream? That's what your mind comes up with?"

"What amusing scenario did your mind come up with?"

CJ opened his mouth to speak. He closed his mouth and looked deep in thought.

"You shouldn't mock my midget story if you don't have a better one," Megan said before sticking out her tongue.

In that instance, it was just like they were in high school again. CJ pushed Megan gently but she was laughing so hard that she lost her balance anyway.

"Stop!" Megan squealed. "You'll make me spill my beer!"

"I'll save it!" CJ snatched the bottle from Megan's hand as she struggled to sit up. "You shouldn't be drinking anyway. You're much too young."

"Only a year and some days too young. Besides, you're too young, too."

"Yeah, but I'm a month closer to the legal drinking age than you are," CJ said matter-of-factly as he held the drink out of Megan's reach.

"Then you're a very bad example." Megan reached for the beer. "Give it back!"

CJ pulled his hand further out of reach, causing Megan to reach over him. "You know, it's way too hot for this amount of physical activity," he teased.

"That's why I need the beer." Megan put her hand on CJ's shoulder so she wouldn't fall into his lap. "I need to cool off and rehydrate."

CJ laughed. "Didn't they teach you that alcohol _de_hydrates you? You're a fancy college kid. I thought they taught that in College 101."

"Whatever. I want it." Her fingers brushed against the cool bottle. She stretched a little further and the motion caused CJ to lose his balance. He fell back and Megan landed on top of him.

"Aww, you made me spill both our beers," he whined as he pressed his hand against his beer soaked shirt.

Megan was faintly aware of the dampness seeping through her t-shirt caused by the spilled beer, but she couldn't bring herself to move. It should have been uncomfortable. The air was still hot and sticky, their hair stuck uncomfortably to their foreheads, and now beer caused their shirts to cling to their chests. Megan had never felt more comfortable and CJ didn't show any indication of wanting her to move.

"You know, if you wanted to cuddle, you could have asked. You didn't have to tackle me," CJ said softly. His chest barely moved when he spoke, as if he was afraid to breathe.

"Yeah," Megan said, her tone matching his. "But that's not really my style."

It was almost as if she was moving in slow motion. She lowered her head to try to reach his lips and she wondered what took them so long. What stopped her from doing this when they first met?

"Janie! Janie, get back here right now!" a voice from the street filtered up.

Their lips were only a hair's breadth apart, but the sound of that name was enough to stop them from closing that gap.

The sound of a small girl's giggles filled the air as Megan lifted herself off CJ. She drew her knees close to her chest and CJ got up to get fresh beers.

"Mommy!" the young girl on the street exclaimed.

"Janie, you can't go running off like that," the mother replied.

They drank their beers in silence. It was almost as if they were telepathic because they _knew_ they were feeling the same thing. They were just unwilling to state the obvious. Two years since Janie's death and it was still too fresh in their minds. It was as if they were betraying her by finding comfort in each other.

Megan wondered if they would ever be able to let her go and move on. They only had so many chances before they would give up on each other.

Thunder rumbled just before the sky opened up above them.


	16. One More Addiction

**Song: 'One More Addiction'- Natalie Imbruglia****  
**

* * *

Seventeen-year-old Audrey Parker checked to make sure her parents were sleeping before climbing out her bedroom window. She was only a little ashamed that she was getting better at this climb, but she blamed her parents for not approving of Bobby.

Audrey checked to make sure her hair was in place before she ran to the corner where Bobby parked his motorcycle.

"Hey, babe. Ready?" Bobby asked, handing her a helmet.

Audrey had this nagging feeling she was making a mistake, but she accepted the helmet anyway. She was young. She had plenty of time to live by the rules when she was older.

--  
Audrey watched the glow of Bobby's cigarette as he looked up at the stars. A twenty-year-old mechanic by day and a musician by night, he had broken a lot of girls' hearts. The only thing that kept girls from doodling their first name combined with his last name in their notebooks was the fact that his last name was Wankoff. Audrey promised herself that if they ever got married, she was keeping her last name.

"What's wrong?" Bobby asked. "You look like you're thinking way too deep about something."

Audrey blinked. "I wasn't really thinking about anything really. I was just watching you."

Bobby laughed. He had a type of laugh that made Audrey feel warm inside. "You know, most girls get giggly when they're drunk. You just stare at me."

Audrey smiled. "Well, that's because you're a very handsome man."

"That I am." He opened another beer. "So, what do you want to do for your birthday?"

Audrey looked thoughtful for a minute. "I want to run off to Vegas."

"And get married?" Bobby asked in an amused tone.

Audrey laughed. "That would piss my parents off, but no, I just want to go to Vegas. You know, drink and gamble some."

"And have sex?"

"Well, we can do that anytime."

"Like now?"

Audrey looked around. It was three in the morning and they were in a pretty secluded part of the park. She responded by taking her shirt off.

Bobby laughed as he started to undress as well. "You know, I wouldn't mind marrying you."

Audrey pushed him so he was lying down and got on top of him. "Is that a proposal?"

Bobby kissed her passionately and moved so he was on top. "Yes, I believe it is."

Somewhere in her mind, Audrey knew she should say no. She knew she was too young and he was only asking in the heat of the moment. Of course, everything was done in the heat of the moment with Bobby. He was better than alcohol and drugs. Better than the adrenaline rush she got from sneaking out of the house and riding on his motorcycle.

She was high when she was around him. She did things she never thought she would do like have sex in public places and not be too quiet about it. He may not be the doctor or lawyer her parents saw her marrying years from now, but he was everything she thought she needed right now. He was an addiction.

Things got quiet and it was as if they were the only two people in the world.

"Will you marry me?" Bobby asked softly.

"Yes." Audrey smiled and kissed Bobby softly. "Does that mean we're going to Vegas for my birthday?"

Bobby smiled. "Your parents are going to hate me."

"Honey, my parents already hate you," she said lightly. It might have been the truth, but Audrey didn't care.


	17. Pens And Needles

**Song: 'Pens and Needles'- Hawthorne Heights**

* * *

Drake stared out the tour bus window unaware of what day it was. He didn't even know what country he was in, though he was pretty sure they weren't in the United States. The only thing he was aware of was the letter in his hands.

A newspaper dropped in his lap. He looked down and saw a picture of _her_. She was smiling and looking like nothing was wrong, as if she hadn't just torn his heart out with the letter he was holding.

"I don't care," Drake said, handing the paper back to his band mate.

"I just wanted to warn you. It said in the article that she'll be at the awards show on Friday."

"I don't care," Drake repeated, though his chest tightened at the thought of seeing her.

"Whatever," Jared said, rolling his eyes. "I don't know what you ever saw in that chick anyway."

Drake stared out the window again. It was raining and he was starting to think they were in England.

--  
"Drake, we're going out! Are you coming?" Jared yelled through the door.

Drake opened the door to keep his already drunk band mate from disturbing more people. "I'm kinda tired. I'm gonna stay in tonight."

"Come on, dude, you have to stop moping already. You're Drake Parker! You have chicks falling at your feet all the time. Just move on!"

"It's not about her. I'm just tired."

Jared looked like he was going to say something else but got distracted when two girls passed. "Well, have fun with the... whatever..." he said distractedly before following them.

Drake closed the door and went back to bed. True, if he went out to the bar, he could probably come home with any girl he wanted. The problem was since they were in England, there was a good chance that any girl he met would have _her_ accent.

He turned on the TV hoping for a distraction but ended up facing the source of his heartache.

"We heard you and Drake Parker have split up. How are you holding up?" the reporter asked.

"I'm doing really well. It was a mutual split and we're both happier now. We're still friends and still care about each other, but yeah, this split is what we both needed," _she_ said with a happy smile.

Drake turned off the TV. If she could act like everything was perfect, then he could at least pretend it was as well. He grabbed his notebook and a pen. She could talk about her feelings in interviews but he had something a little more powerful. He would have people all over the world singing his feelings at the top of their lungs.

That sounded a little cruel. He knew they hadn't been going out for long but it had been the strongest he had ever felt for someone. The thought of it not mattering to her was killing him more than the split itself.

--  
It was well past dawn when he finally put the pen down. In front of him were a half dozen papers with mostly completed songs. Every emotion he felt about the relationship had been poured into these songs and while some of them needed more work than others, he felt really accomplished.

Drake glanced at the clock. His band mates were going to kill him for waking them so early, but they would need to practice if they were going to learn this song by Friday. Drake smiled to himself. He wasn't completely over his heartache but if _she_ could tell magazines and news shows about how over him she was, there was no reason he couldn't sing about it on live TV, on an internationally shown awards show.


	18. The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows

**Song****: 'The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows'- Brand New**

* * *

Josh was nervously pacing. "Can you stop giving me that look?" Josh asked, sounding frustrated.

Drake pushed away from the wall he had been leaning against. "No, this is a mistake."

"I love her."

"Do you?" Drake questioned. "She's pregnant with another man's kid."

"We don't know that."

"That's another thing I don't understand. Why are you guys playing a guessing game about it? Can't they test and see if you are or not? Do you really think not knowing for sure makes the kid any more yours?"

"Can you stop being so loud about it? No one else knows."

Drake sighed. "Look, I know you think this is about the fact that I've never gotten along with Mindy, but it's not. She's hurting you, Josh. How can you expect me to support you in this?"

Josh paused his pacing and looked seriously at Drake. "Because... I'm asking you to. Okay?"

"Josh..."

"Drake, please!" Josh took a calming breathe. "It might be a huge mistake, but at the moment it feels like the only choice."

"Josh?" Mindy appeared in the doorway. At six months, she wasn't showing as much as expected and the design of her dress made her pregnant stomach look a little more discreet. "Are you ready?"

"Yeah," Josh ignored the way Drake was glaring at Mindy. "I'm ready."

--  
Josh never planned out his 'dream' wedding or anything like that. He did think about it sometimes. The only things he wanted for a wedding was to be marrying a girl he loved more than anything, knowing they would be together forever and having his family supporting him and being happy for him on his big day.

_This_ was as far away from that idea as you could get.

"Can anyone say 'shotgun wedding'?" Megan muttered as she passed. Josh was pretty sure she didn't know about Mindy cheating, but she was observant enough to pick up on things not being right.

Mindy looked angry. She's been angry a lot lately and Josh had to put his hand on her arm to keep her from going after Megan. "Just let her go..." he said softly.

Mindy pulled her arm away. "This is supposed to be my perfect day! And... look at the sky!" She gestured to the storm clouds approaching, threatening to ruin their small outdoor reception. "To top it off, your sister is muttering comments and Drake keeps glaring at me as if I'm lower than dirt!"

"Well, he thinks what you did..." Josh stopped, realizing he had already said too much, and Mindy's eyes were almost glowing red from anger.

"So because I made _one_ mistake, he has to try and ruin _my_ wedding? How many times has he hurt _you_ and things were fine and dandy afterwards? Why am I being punished?"

Josh felt a flare of anger. Wasn't it suppose to be _their _wedding and not just _hers_? He wanted to blame pregnancy hormones on her mood, but he was starting to have serious doubts about the whole thing. "Well," Josh kept his voice low so no one but Mindy would hear him, "_he_ never broke my heart. You did."

Mindy looked hurt and Josh only felt a little bad about that. He had been bending over backwards trying to make things work. He went to every doctor's appointment. He picked up an extra job so they could pay for the wedding. He even decided to put grad school off for a year so they could get settled. She hadn't made a single sacrifice for him.

She stomped off and thunder roared ominously in the background.

--  
"Can I have everyone's attention, please?" Drake asked, standing in front of the small crowd. "I have something to say."

The chatter died down and Josh thought Drake looked a little sinister with the sky darkening by the minute behind him. His felt a little nervous, unsure of what Drake was going to say.

Drake cleared his throat and actually looked nervous standing in front of the crowd. "Sorry," he chuckled. "I'd be better if I had a guitar in my hand, but as the best man I was told I had to make a speech." Drake shifted uncomfortably and looked down. After a calming breath, he looked up again. "I just want to say that Josh is the best brother I could have asked for and... and he deserves all the happiness in the world. I really hope he finds happiness..."

To Josh, it looked like Drake was trying to add 'with Mindy' to the end of his speech. Drake raised his glass but seemed unable to make a toast to the 'happy' couple. Someone else said, "To Josh and Mindy."

Drake gave a small smile when he caught Josh looking at him. "I'm sorry I couldn't do any better."

Josh gave him a hug. "Thanks. I really appreciate what you said."

A shriek from somewhere caught their attention. The rain drops started to fall quickly and everyone dashed for the house. People were cramped in the Crenshaws' kitchen and were starting to make their way to the living room.

Josh found Mindy leaning against the wall, holding her stomach. "Is the baby okay?"

Mindy nodded. "The sudden excitement made her kick. We're okay." She glanced outside. Rain was pounding against the tables. None of the food that was remaining stood a chance against the downpour. "The cake is ruined."

"That's okay. I'm sure Drake will run to the store and build us a wedding cake from snack cakes if I ask him to."

Mindy laughed. "He'll have half of them eaten by time he gets back here."

"So, we'll send Megan with him to make sure he leaves enough for everyone."

Mindy laughed again before looking serious. "This isn't going to be easy, is it?"

Josh knew that was true, but he was encouraged by the fact that they were able to joke about a snack cake wedding cake. "No, but as long as we both try... that's the best we can do."


	19. Run Is For Drinking, Not For Burning

**A/N: This song is quoted in the chapter. **

**Song: 'Rum Is For Drinking, Not For Burning'- Senses Fail  
**

* * *

"The waters are choppy when they see the other ship. Drake is prepared to go down with the ship. All hands are on deck standing hip-to-hip. He shouts the orders, 'Shoot to kill!' He's dressed to thrill..."

"Wait, hold on." Megan put her hands up. "I'm pretty sure at least the last half of that came from a song. That's not much of an original story," she told the younger girl.

"Well," Gemma said. "I have that song stuck in my head and my mind got swept up in the image of..." Her sentence trailed off as she blushed. "Besides, I'm dying. I'm allowed to tell the story the way I want to."

Megan laughed. "You're far from dying. It's just surgery on your knee. You'll be running again in no time."

"What if they operate on the wrong leg?"

Megan rolled her eyes and pulled a marker out of her purse. "Roll up your pant leg." She wrote 'Wrong leg!' on Gemma's uninjured left leg. "Feel better now?"

Gemma examined the message. "I guess..."

"Want to finish your story about Drake being a pirate?"

Gemma's eyes lit up. "Yeah!" She sat up and looked excited. "So, he's standing there, dressed to thrill..."

Megan laughed. "I get it. He's dressed to thrill. No more quoting the song."

Gemma rolled her eyes. "Fine... The other ship approaches quickly but Drake already has a plan..."

--  
Gemma was still telling her story when the doctor came in saying it was almost time for the surgery.

"Don't worry. Everything will be fine. I'll be here when you get out," Megan said, trying to reassure the frightened-looking teen.

"Promise?"

Megan nodded. "I even know the perfect gift that will cheer you up after the surgery."

--  
"You want me to do what?" Drake asked, looking at Megan as if she'd grown an extra head.

"Come on, Drake. It will really cheer her up!"

"How old is she?"

"Sixteen."

Drake shook his head. "I don't know, Megs. She's a little young."

Megan slapped his arm. "I'm not asking you to sleep with her, doofus! I'm asking you to do something nice for this kid. She's had a rough year."

Drake put his coffee down. "How'd you meet her anyway?"

"Group therapy."

"You're in therapy?" Drake asked, sounding surprised.

"It's art therapy. Dr. Marsh let me sit in a couple of sessions so I could observe." Megan shrugged. "I guess I realized there were a couple of issues I needed to work through, so I started going as a client."

She noticed Drake's look. "You know, people have to see a psychiatrist before they can become psychiatrists themselves. It's doesn't mean I'm..." She sighed. "It's just helping me figure out what kind of therapist I want to be. You don't have to look at me like I'm crazy."

Drake shook his head. "No, it's not that at all. It's just when you said you were in therapy... I worry about you sometimes."

Megan was surprised by the change in Drake. He really did look worried. "I'm fine," she said softly. "I promise. If something was _really_ wrong, I would tell you. It's just a couple of little issues I need to work out."

"Okay," Drake said, nodding a little. He looked at Megan. "Can I get a hug? You made me think serious thoughts."

"Only if you promise to do this for Gemma."

"Come on, Megan. You want me to..."

"Fine," Megan said, crossing her arms. "No hug."

Drake laughed. "Fine. I'll do it."

Megan stepped into his open arms. "You know, you're not the worst brother in the world."

Drake chuckled. "Thanks. You're not the worst sister in the world, either."

--  
"How are you doing?" Megan asked, entering Gemma's room.

"Ugh. The only reason I know my leg is still attached is because it hurts so much," Gemma whined.

"Do you want me to get the nurse?"

Gemma shook her head. "No, I think I'll live."

"Well, I think I have something that will cheer you up," Megan said with a smile.

"What is it?" Gemma asked, sitting up a little more.

Megan stepped out of the way to reveal Drake standing in the doorway, dressed as a pirate.

Gemma's jaw nearly dropped to the floor. "I'm hallucinating, right? It's the pain meds. Either that or I died and went to heaven!"

Megan laughed. "Drake, meet Gemma. Gemma, this is my brother Drake."

"What? You never told me Drake Parker was your brother!"

"Well, it's not something I like to advertise." Megan noticed Drake hadn't said anything. She elbowed him in his side.

"Arrr!" Drake said, not looking thrilled.

Megan laughed. "Dummy, I didn't say you had to _talk_ like a pirate."

Drake finally smiled. "Sorry." He went and got his guitar out of the hallway and sat next to Gemma's bed. "I figured since I was dressed as a pirate, I would sing the song that inspired this dress-up session."

Gemma looked ready to explode with excitement. She turned to Megan. "Thank you so much! This is the best thing anyone has ever done for me!"

"Hey, I'm the one dressed like a pirate! Where're my thanks?" Drake joked.

"Thank you... you look..."

"Dressed to thrill?" Megan asked, laughing.

Gemma blushed.

"You're just jealous that you're not a pirate," Drake said to Megan. He started strumming his guitar and Gemma couldn't have looked happier when he started to sing. "_This captain goes down with his ship. All hands on deck stand hip-to-hip. I shout the order 'shoot to kill'. I'm dressed to thrill. I'm dressed to thrill_."


	20. Split Second

**Song: 'Split second'- Lisa Loeb**  


* * *

_Shit_, Audrey thought when she opened her eyes. She glanced at the clock. "Shit!" she said out loud this time. She glanced at the body lying next to her and let out a frustrated noise.

_This can't be happening! Not again!_ she thought as she stood up on the bed, trying to keep important things covered by the sheet. She nudged the body with her foot. "Bobby! Wake up!"

Bobby moaned and waved his hand, trying to swat Audrey away. "I'm sleeping."

"Well, go to your own place and sleep!"

"What's the matter, babe?"

"What's the matter?" Audrey shrieked. "The kids are going to be home from school any minute and you can't be here when that happens!"

Bobby yawned. "Why not? I'm their father." He pulled the blanket up more and looked like he was getting comfortable.

"No! Don't get comfortable!" Audrey nudged him a little too hard and he went tumbling off the bed. "This can't keep happening!"

"What the hell, Audrey?" Bobby yelled, struggling to untangle himself from the blanket. "You invited me over!"

"Yeah, to talk about the kids. Not to do this!" She jumped off the bed and started looking for her clothes.

Bobby laughed as he pulled his boxers on. "That's always your excuse and it always leads to this."

Audrey spun around and held the sheet tightly to her chest. "You're saying this is _my_ fault? No, no. You're the one who left. You don't get to blame anything on me. Besides, if you stuck around for more than five minutes, we wouldn't be in this mess!"

"You know I can't stay around full time. I have my career to think about."

Audrey laughed. "What career? Singing at bus stations for change hardly counts as a career."

"That's a low blow. Any day now..."

"Don't start. You've been feeding me that 'any day now...' bullshit for eight years. I'm done with this."

"Babe..."

"Dammit!" Audrey screamed partly because she couldn't find her bra and partly because of the situation. "How could I be so stupid? Last time this happened I got pregnant with Megan!"

"Well, don't make it sound like a bad thing."

Audrey found her bra under the bed. "Having her wasn't bad. It's the fact that you've seen her maybe three times in her three years of life. That's not fair. You can't keep doing this!" She turned to Bobby as she put her shirt on. "I have to get out of here."

Bobby laughed. "You know you're the one who lives here, right?"

"Fine! Then, you have to leave!" she said, starting to push Bobby out of the bedroom.

"I don't see what the big deal is. I used to live here. The kids have seen me here before."

"They haven't seen you in a year. You can't just show up whenever you want. I asked you to come over so we could plan out a time for you to see them, not to spring this on them."

Bobby stopped letting Audrey push him and stood his ground. "If it's okay, I'd rather you not push me down the stairs."

Audrey let her hands drop. "Fine! Just go."

_Just a couple of more steps. Just a couple __more steps and he'll be gone. This can't happen the way it did last time. He just needs to go_, Audrey thought to herself.

Bobby paused in the living room. "Well, Audrey. It's was great seeing you again." He had a smug smile on his face and Audrey knew he didn't care about seeing the kids; he just loved seeing her like this.

"Yeah, well. Let's not do this again too soon."

Bobby took a step closer and Audrey stepped back. He laughed. "No kiss goodbye?"

"No." She had her hands on his chest and was pushing him back towards the door.

Bobby grabbed her wrists and leaned down to kiss her. Audrey relaxed and deepened the kiss, silently cursing the hold that Bobby still had on her. If only he wasn't so sexy in that arrogant, smug way of his.

"Mommy! We're home!" Drake shouted.

"Shit!" Audrey said, pushing Bobby away. "Go out the back door."

"Megan's pre-school sent home a reminder about the end-of-the-year party..." their neighbor Cynthia said.

When Audrey turned, she saw three stunned faces. Bobby hadn't made it to the door in time. In fact, he'd made no attempt at sneaking out at all.

"Daddy!" Megan screamed, running towards Bobby. Audrey couldn't understand how the three-year-old could recognize a man she'd only seen a few times.

"Well, I'll go now," Cynthia said.

"Thanks for picking the kids up," Audrey said, walking her to the door.

"No problem."

Audrey saw Bobby pick Megan up. Drake looked less excited. "Come on, kiddo. Aren't you going to give your dad a hug?" Bobby asked.

Audrey cursed herself silently as Drake hugged Bobby. The only positive thing was Bobby had been closer to leaving than he was the last time the kids caught them. Maybe that could be considered progress.


	21. There Is

**A/N: I know it's been a long time, but I'm going to try to finish this story as soon as I can. It's my favourite story that I have written, and I would really like for it to be complete. I hope you enjoy it!**

**Song: There is- Box Car Racer**

* * *

"Sometimes I really hate her." Megan sighed. "I'm sorry. That's an awful thing to say."

"Don't be sorry, not all your emotions are going to be positive. It's okay to talk about the negative emotions," the therapist said.

"She was my best friend..." She lowered her head, not wanting to say anymore. It shouldn't feel this bad. Three years later and the ache was still there.

-  
Megan waited until she was in her car before checking her phone. She had felt it vibrate while she was in her session. She had a message from CJ.

"Hey, Megan. Um... I was just calling because..." He sniffled and chuckled sadly. "I guess I just wanted to hear a familiar voice. So... call me back when you get a chance. I miss you."

The tone of his voice made her heart stop. She was already in Jersey before she realized she wasn't heading home.

-  
It took Megan five hours to she realized she was being a tiny bit impulsive. He said to call him back, not drive all day to come see him. She decided it was too late to turn around; she was already halfway there.

-  
"Where are you?" Gemma screamed over the phone.

"Somewhere south of Virginia."

"What?"

Megan pulled the phone away from her ear and winced. "One of the Carolinas. I don't know which one."

"What are you doing all the way down there?"

"Please stop yelling. Something came up."

"Sorry," Gemma said in a softer voice. "I just got worried when you missed group without calling."

"Shit. I completely forgot about that. I had a private session this morning and I guess group just slipped my mind."

"Well, I guess I can forgive you. We just got worried because we know today is..."

"I know." In fact, that was the reason Megan decided on the one-on-one sessions in addition to group. With the stress of graduation on top of everything else, she needed a little more support.

"Is that why you're heading south? Are you going to see him?"

"Yes and no." She sighed. "He sounded sad in a message he left me... I just need to see him."

"Are you going to tell him?"

She wanted to play dumb and pretend she didn't know what the question meant. "I don't know."

-  
It was just past 11PM when she was standing outside the door of his apartment. She had a lot of time to think about what she was going to say. She also had a lot of time to think about what made her drive all this way. No answers were coming to her.

He looked confused when he opened the door. His eyes were red and it looked like he had been crying. "Megan, what are you...?"

Before he could finish the question, she threw herself at him. He caught her, holding his arms tightly around her waist. She threw herself at him before he could even finish the question. He stumbled backwards, catching her around the waist. A wave of emotion caught her by surprise, and she began to cry into his chest.

Getting over his shock, CJ pulled her into the apartment and kicked the door closed.

-  
"Here you go," CJ said, handing her a glass of water.

Megan wiped at her eyes again. Though she had stopped crying, tears were still flowing. She took a sip of water and tried to focus on her breathing.

"Are you...?" CJ's question died with a sigh. He sat next to her and rested his hand on her knee. "Do you want to talk about it?"

The weight of his hand on her knee had cracked the little control she had left. She was starting to shake again. "I came to comfort you." She let out a small chuckle. "I'm not doing a very good job."

"To comfort me?"

She saw that he didn't understand. "The message you left this morning... You sounded so sad and..."

His expression cleared. "I'm so sorry."

"You sounded sad and I just couldn't get to you fast enough!" she exclaimed before breaking down again.

CJ pulled her close. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to worry you."

Megan could hear his voice breaking. "I know I overreacted. I just..."

"It's okay. I should have thought..." He held her tighter. "I would never..."

Megan looked up and saw CJ's eyes were filled with tears. "I can't lose you."

He gently brushed his thumb across her cheek to try and wipe away the tears. "I..." He blinked, causing his own tears to fall. He gently brushed his lips against hers. "I'm yours."

-  
"I love you," CJ said.

Megan smiled. "You keep saying." She kissed him. She couldn't get over how natural it felt. "I love you, too."

"When do you have to go back?"

"Kicking me out already?"

"No." He wrapped his arms around her. "I need to know so I can think of a way to get you to stay."

"I haven't thought that far ahead. This wasn't exactly a planned visit."

CJ chuckled. "Next time you decide to surprise me in the middle of the night, could you do it without crying? Think sexy. Like wearing a little black dress or..."

Megan laughed and pushed him away. "No more surprise visits from me. Next time, it's your turn to drive all day in some crazy declaration of love."


End file.
